


Trying to Find the Right Ending

by boobtube1938



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A small part with suicidal thoughts, Car Accident, Depression, Doctors, Emergency - Freeform, Falling In Love, Football, Happy Ending, Harry comes along and helps Louis, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, Louis tries to go professional, M/M, No Smut, Nurses, Paralyzed, Rehabilitation, Slow Burn, Something happens and things go to shit, ambulance, i guess you could call it that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 09:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14185872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boobtube1938/pseuds/boobtube1938
Summary: Louis is running late to his important meeting with some scouts from some of the big football teams. As he makes his way to his destination, his whole life is changed in an instant. Louis is now thrown into a life he didn't want or ask for and his dreams are taken away from him. Or, at least, that is what he thought before he met Harry.





	Trying to Find the Right Ending

Louis was late. Louis was late and he forgot his wallet at home and unable to pay for a cab, forcing him to run to work and weave his way in and out of the bodies that filled the crowded sidewalk.

The petite man squeezes through the small spaces between the moving bodies, pushing the ones who move in his way and cursing loudly.

“You fuckin’ arses! Move out me way!” He hears their distaste at his actions and their huffs of breath. He doesn’t care, definitely not today, he has important people to see and places to be and the arses that are hogging up the sidewalk are just asking to be pushed to the side.

On any other day, he would at least try to be polite, but today is not like any other day. Scouts from the big leagues are coming to watch him play and determine the rest of his future. If today goes as planned, Louis will be given an offer to a team and he will finally make his dream come true.

All those late nights at the pitch practicing shooting and footwork and sleepless nights will finally be worth it. His efforts to become the best that he can be will finally pay off. He just needs to get to campus on time to make sure he doesn’t let this opportunity go to shit.

He makes it to the corner of the intersection, waiting impatiently for the crosswalk light to give them the signal that it is safe to cross the busy street. Louis shifts on his feet, huffing out in annoyance and fidgeting with the strap of his duffle bag that hangs off of his right shoulder. Louis quickly glances at his watch on his wrist. Ten minutes. There are ten minutes until he is needed on the field at the university. He is about five minutes from the entrance to the school and he still needs to change.

He’s regretting not wearing his football gear, but he didn’t want to get it dirty by walking through town. He has a history of being hit with splashing water from a passing vehicle.

“C’mon, change already.” The twenty-one year old whispers under his breath. The signal pings shortly after, allowing Louis to dash through the group of people who have congregated at the corner.

The blue-eyed man runs in front of the shops, cutting corners sharp. He’s close. He can see the entrance to the school in front of him. The large welcoming sign and the bright green grass of the quad taunting him from a few yards away. Just a little bit more and he’d be through the gates and getting closer to his future.

Time, however, seems to come to a halt when there are squealing tires, horns beeping, screams of innocent bystanders, a crash and immense amount of pain.

He’s disoriented. He doesn’t know which way is up or down and no idea where he is. Louis can hear shouting and can feel hands on him. He can feel the hard pressure against his waist and some sturdy surface against his back. The rest of his body is numb. He can’t feel his legs and his arms twitch lightly as he tries to move them from his side.

The blue orbs are open and unable to focus on the blurs of the surrounding world. Nothing makes sense.

Shrills of sound surround him, he can hear it in the distance. People are talking to him, but all he hears are the persistent calling of the sirens that continue to get closer. They’re a constant ringing in his ears.

A voice calls out, faint and muffled at first, gaining clarity as the voice continues to speak.

“Sir, can you hear me? You need to stay awake for me, ok? We’re going to get you out of here as soon as possible.” Louis vaguely nods, but he doesn’t understand from what they’re getting him out of. “Stay with me now.”

The added pressure against his hips and legs was removed too quickly, letting Louis slump slightly forwards before multiple pairs of arms are holding him to prevent his injured body hitting the unforgiven and broken pavement beneath him. He is soon reintroduced to a familiar hard support and tilted horizontal.

“You’re going to be just fine. Just keep your eyes open, yeah? That’s it, keep looking at me and focus on my face.” Louis likes the sound of the man’s voice. The sound is calm in all of the madness. The injured man is jostled and hears some clicking before pushed into the cube of the ambulance, surrounded by limited machines and wires. A mask is pushed to his face.

Darkness consumes him.

***

A constant stream of flashing lights behind his eyelids and frantic voices assault his ears.

“What happened?” The attending doctor questions as he helps roll the gurney down the white linoleum tiled floor.

“Hit by car at his waist. Driver lost control when he was searching for his fallen phone. Poor lad was just walking by.”

“So we have possible internal bleeding and many shattered bones.” The doctor glances down at the man on the gurney below him, noticing that he can’t be any older than his own son.

“Try to identify him and inform his family.” The double doors are pushed open, swallowing the group of nurses and doctors as they rush the young lad to the operating room.

***

An older woman with a trailing daughter come rushing through the doors of the local hospital, frantic in their search to find someone who can inform them about their loved one.

The two women reach the desk slightly out of breath and a wild look to their eyes. “We’re…we…my son…-linson…” The mother trails off, unable to form complete sentences, but enough for the woman behind the structure to understand.

The pink-cladded nurse presses a number on the phone and standing to properly address the women on the other side of the tan countertop. “The doctor will be out shortly to tell you more about your son’s condition.” The greying nurse states. “You two can wait here or have a seat over there.” A slight smile. “Can I get anything for either of you?”

The younger of the two speaks, knowing that her mother is lost inside her head at the moment, worrying about her eldest. “N-no, we’re good. Thank-you.” She loops her arm around her mother’s elbow. “Let’s go find a seat, mum.” She doesn’t know how she’s this calm, but she guesses someone has to be, and currently, her mother cannot be the one to do so.

“There we go.” The daughter whispers as she finally gets her mother to sit in the uncomfortable, generic blue hospital chairs. Silence between the two is as wide and deep as the ocean, neither knowing what to say. Their worries about their brother and son too great to try and create conversation.  

Twenty minutes was all it took to flip their world upside down. Louis had stopped at the house for words of good-luck from his mother and siblings, smiling as he ran out of the house and yelling words of love over his shoulder.

_“Wish me luck! Love you guys!”_

Everyone had been buzzing around the house, unspoken words of excitement between the family. They knew Louis would get some sort of offer, his coaches from the university had said that they hadn’t seen footwork like Louis’ in years and the scouts would be making calls as soon as they saw the man’s first kick.

The phone rang twenty minutes later. Feet were padding quickly across the carpeted flooring, excitement exploding between the walls of the house. Jay was the one to answer the phone.

_“Lou, that was…”_

_“Hello, is this Jay?” The voice on the other side of the line starts, taking Jay by surprise._

_“Yes, this is…”_

_“I’m sorry to inform you that your son, Louis…” Cold sweat breaks out over the woman’s body, the faces of her children dawned expressions of confusion. Lottie quickly ushers the younger children out of the room. She turns back towards her mum._

_“Mum…” Her mum doesn’t hang up the phone before the device slips from her grip, falling and pieces scattering across the once warm floor of the house._

_“We-we have to…Louis…accident…” A gut wrenching sob breaks through the thick tension in the room._

_In that moment, the entirety of the world came to a crashing halt._

The call had come in about an hour ago now, feeling like a lifetime since then. The doctor still has not come out to talk to them. The nurses check in every so often asking if they can get the two anything to eat or drink. Lottie just gives a small smile in return, thanking them silently for their offer.

Sounds of doors clicking open and heavy footsteps coming closer breach the ears of the two women sitting in the chairs. Lottie is the first one to look up, tensing and gripping harder around her mother’s bicep. Lottie’s actions has Jay looking up and wiping at her unshed tears.

“Tomlinson family?” The man in the blue scrubs questions. He comes to stop right in front of the seated mother and daughter, both who are now looking up into the eyes of the man.

“Yes, how is…?”

“He’s in recovery. He sustained some major injuries when the car pinned him to the building, but with a lot of rest, medication and therapy, Louis will be fine.”

“Wh-what exactly were his injuries? When can we see him?” Jay finally finds her voice.

“The car trapped him by his waist against a brick building. The force was great enough, as you can imagine, to shatter some bones that we put back together with plates and screws. It’s possible he’ll still need more surgery down the road, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. He had some internal bleeding that we had to stitch up.” The doctor sighs, not wanting to continue. “With the extent of his injuries and the force of the vehicle when it pinned him to the wall, it is possible that Louis is paralyzed from the waist down.”

“Can he ever walk again if he is?” Lottie asks for Jay.

“We’ll have to do more tests when he awakes. If he is, it is still possible for him to walk again, I have seen patients with worse injuries than Louis’ that have begun walking, nothing is impossible, he just has to stay strong and not give up.”

“C-can we see him?”

“I’ll go back and see if they have him in a room yet. I’ll send someone out if they do.” Jay and Lottie give a short nod at the nurse.

When it is just the two of them, Lottie turns to her distraught mother to wrap her arms around her shoulders and bringing her in for another hug.

“He’s alive, mum, that’s the thing that matters right now.” Lottie tries to comfort. “We’ll get through this.” Jay tightens her grip on Lottie’s shirt.

“All of his dreams, he won’t…” She breaks off on a slight sob. Jay’s heart breaks at the thought of her eldest not able to achieve his dreams he has had since he was young. Her mind flashes to times out in the back yard watching little Louis kicking the ball around. How Louis would come into the house covered in grass stains, smile with his mouth full of missing teeth and blabber on about how he was going to become the best player in England.

“I know. I know.” Lottie hides her face in her mother’s hair. They’re in the middle of the hallway with people bustling around them as they try and seek comfort from one another. They don’t know what is going to happen from here on out.

How is Louis going to react to the news?

The next few weeks and months will be hard, but knowing that Louis is alive, still has a beating heart, makes breathing easier.

“Tomlinson?” Jay and Lottie break their hug to turn to face the owner of the voice. “You two can follow me.” Mother and daughter walk behind their escort. Their hands are shaking at the thought of seeing Louis. “Don’t be alarmed by his appearance, he is stable and doing very well for what he went through.” The nurse informs. “He’s hooked up to multiple machines for us to monitor him and make him comfortable. He’s still under some sedatives, we didn’t want to keep him awake too long after surgery, knowing that it wouldn’t take long for him to feel pain.” The group of three stop outside of a closed door, on the other side, Louis lay vulnerable. “We will come in an hour to check vitals.”

“Thank you.” Lottie answers for her mother. The nurse gives a tight smile, turning away from the mother and daughter. Lottie takes a deep breath. “You ready?”

Tears fall from Jay’s eyes, her breathing shaky. “Y-yeah.” She stammers out, hand reaching for the door knob. The door clicks it is opened. The sound seeming to be amplified by a thousand in the silence of hospital.

The two taking careful steps into the dimmed hospital room. “Oh, Lou.” A steady stream of tears cascade down Jay’s face as she looks at her sleeping son, pale and bruised. She is quick to grab a seat, sitting alongside Louis and taking his cold hand in hers.

Lottie pulls up another seat, situating herself next to her mother.

Long hours pass, nurses coming and going out of the room to check Louis’ condition. Jay and Lottie have not moved from their spots they originally sat themselves in. Louis is moving in his sleep, soft whimpers of pain escaping every so often.

“Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” Jay shakes her head, eyes never leaving her son’s form. “There’s an empty bed.” Lottie refers to the second bed in the room. “You sleep there, I’ll stay up. I’ll wake you if there’s any changes.” Jay’s hesitant at first, but with Lottie’s guiding hand, she goes easily to the spare bed to lay down and welcoming sleep immediately. Lottie tucks Jay in, kissing her hair line before retreating back to her brother’s bedside.

She squeezes her brother’s hand, laying her head to rest on the spot next to it on the mattress. Exhaustion is laced around her bones. Her body is begging her to get some sleep, but her mind is still wired, still too active with all the racing thoughts about the what ifs and what happens from here on out.

She’s afraid of what this unknown future will look like. She doesn’t know how Louis will react when he wakes up. She’s even afraid of herself. She’s afraid that she’ll turn into a person who forgets that their loved one is still here, still alive and will always look at Louis with pity.

She doesn’t know how to be the strong one all the time. She doesn’t know how she will be able to step up and take on the protective role that Louis has claimed for so many years. She could count on Louis to make her feel better when she was sad or upset. Louis always welcomed her and his other siblings into his room to let them cry until their tears ran out.

Lottie knows that she will have to be the stronger one of the two now; that Louis will need all the support that she is able to give him. She knows that she will have to become that needed shoulder to cry on.

Lottie owes it to Louis to finally be the stronger one of the two. He needs caring and Lottie is ready to help him with whatever challenges he may face. She refuses to let him down.

“I’ve got you, Lou. We’ll get through this. I promise.”

***

With the fogginess of sleep still looming over her senses, Lottie believes she is dreaming of the fingers running through her hair. When her body becomes more aware, she feels the difference in the hand and her eyes grow large and she pops up her head.

Louis’ tired smile and drooping eyes greet her. “Lou.”

“Hi.” His voice is croaky, rough from not being used for the past day and a half. Neither Lottie or Jay have moved much from their positions. Both would get up occasionally, switching spots to make sure someone was always right beside Louis.

 Lottie allows tears to flow. “Shh, come here.” He gestures for his sister to get closer, wrapping their arms around each other. “I’m fine.”

“So scared. W-we didn’t…” A sob wracks her body. She hides her face in Louis’ neck.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Louis replies. He turns his head to the side and glances over Lottie’s shoulder and spots his mother fast asleep. “How long have you guys been here?” His voice like sandpaper.

Lottie pulls away slightly. “Since you got here. You’ve been out for over a day.” She follows Louis’ gaze after informing her brother of the time frame. “I finally was able to force her to lay down again. She slept for a few hours yesterday, then refused to go back to sleep. I told her that I would wake her if anything changed; she hasn’t really slept.” She breaks off.

“Let her sleep.” He lays his head on the soft material behind him, eyes closing briefly as his vision grows fuzzy.

“Sleep, Lou. We’ll be here when you wake up.” She kisses his forehead, Louis’ eyes already closed by time she pulls back to look at her brother’s face.

Days passed in a similar manner. Louis would briefly awaken, prompting his mother’s crying at seeing her son’s lazy bright blue eyes. In return, she would earn a tired smile before his lids would cement themselves together once more.

***

As the sun rises, rays break through the blinds of the hospital room. Louis’ eyes open without weight for the first time in a week and a half. His vision blurry as he tries to completely take in all of his surroundings. He takes stalk of the bed that he’s in and the scratchy, off-white blankets that cover his body.

Louis feels the tug of wires on his arm. He follows the wires to where they hang above his head and is greeted with bags of fluids and the beeping of the heart monitor. Off to his left, two seemingly uncomfortable chairs are pulled up close to his bedside.

He vaguely remembers the first day he had woken up to his sister’s face and his mother’s sleeping form. He can’t even begin to imagine what they must be going through. He wishes that he’d be able to take away their worries; that he wasn’t the cause of the stress that he knows that they’re feeling.

He’ll make it up to them somehow.

As he lays there taking in his surroundings, his body screams out for him to relieve itself. Huffing, Louis throws the covers off of his legs, not noticing more wire connections underneath, and throwing his heavy legs over the side of the bed. He finds it strange that he doesn’t have control over his lower limbs, but figures it was from lying in bed for so long.

Louis gathers his balance as he sits up to propel his body forward and upwards to make his way to the bathroom that is on the other side of his confines. When his body weight is distributed between his legs, he immediately falls to the tiles below him.

“Wha…” He’s sprawled onto the floor and his limbs skewed. He wills his legs to work, to move an inch so he can at least get back onto his bed and get some help with _this_. He moves around as he tries to get some purchase so he can hoist himself up to his bed.

Louis grabs the sheets that are tucked under his bed. If he can pull himself up with the help of the sheets, he can at least get himself back onto the bed and reevaluate his situation before trying to get to the bathroom again.

He starts pulling on the sheets and slides closer to the bed as he pulls himself up. He gets to a point where he is able to rest his elbows on the bed. He’s huffing from the exertion. Louis rests his head briefly.

Louis wills his legs to work, to give him support to push himself back onto the bed. “C’mon, move.” They feel like they’re filled with cement; they’re heavy items that his body cannot support any longer. They’re mocking him, laughing as he attempts to force them to move.

He tries again. He pulls himself further onto the bed, trying to get as much support as possible before he tries to get his legs to move at his command. “Ok. I got this. They’re going to work.” Louis closes his eyes as he focuses his energy at getting his legs to work how they’re supposed to.

Louis thinks he can feel his legs gain slight purchase on the tiled floor of his room. He gets ahead of himself at the small victory he thinks he has gained. He lets his grip on the bedsheets loose and tries pushing himself up with just his legs.

His legs start to give out from under him. Before he is able to grab an object to support himself, he falls to the floor.

Crumpled on the floor, Louis’ eyes swell with tears and a sob is emitted from his mouth. He doesn’t understand. There has to be a mistake. Maybe they’re not working because he hasn’t used them in a few days.

Louis looks down his body to where his toes are. He glares at them, trying to force them to move. He just needs the tiniest proof of movement, anything, to ease his mind a tad. He just needs one of his toes to flinch and things will be ok. He’ll still be Louis, fully able to move his legs Louis.

Nothing.

 His legs are supposed to work, they are to hold him up so he can walk, run and be a normal and functioning human being.

How can he live a normal life without his legs? How is he going to become the pro football player he has always dreamed of becoming since he was a child?

What is his family going to say? They’re going to treat him differently now if his legs never work again. He’s broken.

He’s a star sitting on the edge of a black hole.

“Lou?” It’s his sister. He’s not sure if he should be grateful that she’s the one who is going to find him like this or embarrassed that it is Lottie that will see him vulnerable. They’ve never hid their emotions at home, but he’s made sure that he kept it together in front of his siblings.

“Lotts…” He hears footsteps coming to the other side of the bed where he is laid out. “No. Don’t…”

“Lou? Where are you?” She takes a step closer.

“Stop. Please stop.”

“What are you on about? Where are…?” She rounds to the other side of the bed. Lottie’s eyes fall upon her brother on the floor. “Lou!” She bends down. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be out of bed. Are you hurt?” Her hands roam over Louis’ body to assess the damage that might be there. She finds nothing.

Her heart breaks when her eyes land on her brother’s tear stained face. There have only been a few times that she has witnessed her brother in this state. He’s always been the one to keep it together in hard times. Louis was a beam of light when darkness took over.

Lottie knows that she has to be that light for Louis now.

“Lotts, I’m fine.” His hands cover his blotchy face. “Can you leave? You aren’t allowed to see me like this.” He asks with his throat thick with oncoming tears. He’s so embarrassed. Lottie, or anyone for that matter, should not see him like this. He’s supposed to be strong and not some weak person who cannot even get his own legs to work.

He hides behind his hands

“Hey.” Lottie moves to make herself comfortable before pulling Louis into her lap. She runs her fingers through his greasy hair. “Do you remember that time we got lost in the woods? You told me that we were going to find a magical place and play with dragons and unicorns.” She chuckles at the memory. “We went so far amongst the trees that you couldn’t decide which way was going to lead us home.” Louis had quieted his sniffles slightly, focused more on the story than his current situation.

“I began to cry, afraid that we would never find our way back and that we would become jungle people or something.”

“We would have made some pretty awesome jungle people.” Louis sniffles out, a laugh hidden in the sound.

“Yeah, we would have.” She looks fondly down at her eldest sibling. “Do you remember what you told me? Like when I began to really freak out, do you remember?”

“Something sappy probably.”

“And cliché.” Louis groans. Lottie continues. “You told me that I had nothing to fear because I was with you. You said that monsters are terrified of big brothers and that as long as I stayed with you no monsters would get me.”

“I was pretty wise, if I do say so myself.” Lottie rolls her eyes.

 “Even if that was wise advice from a ten year old, you forgot a very important detail.”

“What?”

“That as long as you have your oldest little sister, you also don’t have to be afraid of the monsters getting you.”

“They already have.” Louis whispers around a clump in his throat. He hides his face in the fabric of Lottie’s t-shirt.

She pulls Louis closer. “No.” Lottie replies just as softly, her fingers moving back to her brother’s hair. “The monsters haven’t gotten you.”

The two siblings remain in their positions. Lottie cards her fingers through her now asleep older brother’s hair while she waits for assistance. The nurses finally come to the room, almost immediately scolding the two, but stop their words when they notice Louis fast asleep.

They help get Louis’ body back onto his bed in a comfortable position before checking vitals quickly and leaving the room shortly after.

Lottie, debating on if what she is about to do is a good idea or not, throws caution to the wind and climbs into bed with Louis. She’s careful not to disturb Louis’ sleep or move any of the wires before coming to rest in a cozy spot.

Her eyes travel over Louis’ slumbering face. She takes in the sharper edges to his features than he had when they were growing up and the stubble that now decorates his face.

His breaths fan across her face with each inhale and exhale. She curls herself impossibly closer to his form, tucking her head under his chin with her head resting on his shoulder. She falls asleep.

***

Unforgiving darkness surrounds Louis as grief reaches out to embrace the young gentleman. Everything seems dim since he has arrived at the hospital and his life turned upside down. The way the doctor delivered the news to Louis plagued his mind. There was a hint of emotion in the slightly wrinkled face of the physician, but otherwise, he stood strong without any waver.

_“Paralyzed…possibility of being confined to…-derful facility that caters to…” Louis barely registered what the doctor was telling him. All he could hear floating in his ears was that he was never going to play football again, his chances at his dream down the drain as he was most likely going to be spending the rest of his days confined to a wheelchair._

Paralyzed.

_Paralyzed._

The word bounces around in his muddled brain, consuming his every thought. How is he to adjust to the life someone decided to give to him? How does he act like everything is normal when he is finally released from the confines of the prison disguised as a rehab facility? He’ll need help with everyday things. He’ll lose his freedom, hell, he has lost his freedom. There isn’t a moment when he’s not pressing the call button near his bed to get assistance.

He sees how his mother looks at him. How his siblings are terrified to climb into Louis’ hospital bed and scared that they’ll injure him in some way.

Jokes on them. He can’t feel anything.

Louis bitterly laughs at the thought of it. His sisters and brother are so worried about hurting him, not wanting to cause him pain and here he is wishing that they could still cause him pain. He wishes when they climb over his legs with their elbows or accidently step on his foot on their way past, he’d be able to feel the jolt of pain. He’d give anything to be able to feel again.

He doesn’t know his future, doesn’t know how he can continue on with this new way of life. How does one move on from this, is that even possible? Sure, he’s heard the miracle stories, of the ones who didn’t give up and still did great things, but what if that’s not him? What if he’s one of the ones who becomes victim to the depression? What if his night terrors become reality?

His life consists of feeling like he can no longer breathe for himself, that the ability to fill his lungs has also been damaged and taken away from him.

He feels as if he’s now in the center of that black hole as all matter pulling inwards and ceasing to exist. Soon his body will crumble into itself, leaving nothing in his wake except for cosmic disaster.

***

The doctors and other caretakers come into the room to prep Louis for the next part of his recovery.

He lets his body be moved by the hands of others.

He’s their puppet.

Just like his legs, he feels nothing.

***

“This is a really nice place, Lou.” Jay comments as they are led down the grey painted hallway to what is going to be Louis’ room for the duration of his stay.

The halls smell like strong cleaning chemicals, making Louis’ nose burn. The pictures are too ordinary, too staged to feel natural with their smiles showing their impossibly white teeth and their eyes not showing the joy they are supposedly feeling.

Louis can relate to feeling dead inside. He just doesn’t try to hide behind a fake smile.

Louis doesn’t say much, hums when he deems appropriate to make it seem like he’s still listening. Truthfully, he hasn’t listened much to what anyone had to say since the doctor told him about his condition.

He can’t even bring himself to really say the word. Louis knows that once he says it, lets the word come out of his mouth, that it’ll become real. He can’t let it become real.

“This is your room.” Louis is broken out of his thoughts when the nurse’s voice calls out. She opens the door and has Jay push Louis into the generic room. There is a bed pushed up against the wall, a dresser and a small bathroom that connects to the room. The walls are void of decorations.

“I promise that it’ll feel homier as time goes on. You’ll be able to put more of you into the surroundings.” The nurse goes to the window to pull open the blinds. Sunlight enters the room. Louis’ eyes squint at the sudden assault.

“This is really nice; don’t you think Louis?” Jay questions as she walks around the room to take in every detail.

“There is a pamphlet to let you know of all of the activities for the day, your schedule will be given to you sometime within the next day for all of your therapy sessions. There are room checks every few hours a night to make sure everyone is ok. We do ask all residents to be in their rooms by 11 in the evening.” The nurse quickly fills Louis in on the happenings of the place before retreating and starting her rounds with the other patients.

Jay turns towards her eldest child. “Are you going to be ok?”

“Yeah.” Louis lets out a deep breath. “I’ll be fine.” Like he really has a choice anyways. His doctors didn’t leave much room for argument. He had tried to refuse and fight his way out of coming here, but with his mother’s insistence and the doctor refusing to back down until Louis agreed to be admitted to the rehabilitation facility, Louis slumped his shoulders in defeat. This is the new life, consisting of people telling him what’s best for him, is what he now has to get used to.

He’s slowly becoming a puppet with his body in the hands of the puppet maker. Strings are slowly being sewn into his skin, tugging harder with each movement that is forced by another pair of hands. The ends of the strings woven between their fingers.

“Ok.” Jay chokes back the tears. _This._ She reminds herself, _is what Louis needs. This is the best course of action to help her eldest child._ As much as it hurts to admit, she is not the right person to help Louis. In this place, he’ll at least be watched over to make sure he doesn’t go down a horrible path of self-destruction. “Call me every chance you get and every other time you feel like it. Write letters. Everything will be just fine.”

He really hates that word. _Fine_. What is the definition of fine anymore? He hasn’t felt _fine_ in what feels like an eternity.

“I guess this is it. I love you so much, Boo. So much.” She bends down to hug her son, leaving a lingering kiss on his forehead.

“Love you too, mum.” He closes his eyes as he feels the comfort of his mother wash over him, it fleeting all too fast for his liking. “I’ll call whenever I can. Promise.”

***

Louis doesn’t call home.

***

Louis has been at the rehab center for a week and is only existing. He lays in bed until the late hours of the morning, only moving when a few nurses come into the room to place him in his wheelchair. They take him to one of his appointments with either the physical therapist or group therapy where they try and force him to talk about his inner-feelings. He never speaks during the sessions, opting to blankly stare at his hands in his lap.

Louis’ hearing fades in and out, never catching the words that his peers let slip through their lips. He figures that a lot of their stories are similar. Something tragic happened and they are no longer to do whatever without the help of others.

He doesn’t care. He has his own being to worry about.

 After his time is up, he is pushed to the common area where he sits and stares blankly in the distance, never registering the atmosphere around him when lost in his thoughts.

He impatiently waits for nightfall, wanting to be able to go back into his secluded room, sleep and hopefully wake up from this nightmare.

***

“Who’s that?” Harry nods towards the lad sitting alone by the window, glancing out at the sun lit earth on the other side.

“Louis.” A nurse responds, turning her attention to the paperwork in front of her.

“What happened to him?” Curiosity is getting the best of him, he has never seen the other lad around before and this Louis looks too pretty to look that sad.

“Harry, you know that I can’t tell you that. Why not go over and ask him yourself?” Harry glances at the nurse. “He’s having a hard time, you’ll be good for him.” He shakes his head, pushing himself off of the counter he was leaning on. He walks towards Louis.

“Um, hi.” He starts, Louis shooting his eyes towards Harry before looking out the window. “I’m Harry.” No other acknowledgement from the other. Harry sighs as he takes a seat across from Louis. “Nice weather we’re having.”

Louis remains silent.

Harry wrings his hands together, nervous. “Ok, um,” He looks around the room, eventually meeting the nurse’s eyes that he was talking to previously. She motions for him to keep trying. “Knock, knock.” He starts.

Louis is unmoving.

“Who’s there?” The same nurse calls out from behind the front desk, gaining attention from other nurses and patients in the area.

“Hula.” Harry continues. The nurse stays silent as both are waiting to see if Louis would participate. After a moment, the nurse speaks up.

“Hula who?” interest is peaked and all who are near are waiting to hear the end of the joke.

Harry can’t help himself, he starts cracking up at the thought of the punchline. “…’p’” he pops the ‘p’. He looks between Louis and the nurse. Chuckles erupt from some of the patients and other nurses. The nurse behind the desk has a fond smile. Louis, however, continues to stare out of the window.

Harry’s eyes droop in defeat. He scratches the back of his head. He thinks of another approach. He sits in silence with Louis, both looking out of the window at the world passing by. For hours, the two sit to watch the world go by. Harry glances at the profile of Louis’ face every so often, trying to see if the other would move his head and make eye contact.

Nothing of the sort happens.

The sun has dipped below the horizon an hour ago and Harry still hasn’t gotten the other lad to speak a word to him or acknowledge his presence. A gentle hand startles Harry and breaks the fragile atmosphere surrounding him and this Louis person.

“Sorry, Harry, but it’s time for this one to get back to his room.”

“Yeah, I uh…” He begins to extract himself from the chair that he has been sitting on. He stumbles slightly before standing up straight. He brushes his hands on his pant leg and sighs. Harry glances back at the blank face of the other. “It was nice sitting with you today. I’ll see you next week, yeah?”

No response.

The nurse clasps Harry on the shoulder as she unlocks the wheels to start pushing Louis towards his bedroom down the hall.

“Thanks, Harry. I’m sure he’s looking forward to it. Goodnight.” She starts wheeling Louis down the tiled floor of the rehab center with Harry watching closely until the nurse makes a turn and the two figures are no longer seen through the darkness that is slowly creeping into the building.

Sighing, Harry starts towards the exit of the building.

***

Harry enters the rehab building the week after his first encounter with this mysterious Louis person. He’s determined to get the other man to open up, even if it’ll only be a few words here and there, but still better than Louis not talking at all.

He scans the room to find Louis in the same place that he had been the previous week. Plastering on his smile, Harry goes over and pulls up a chair next to Louis.

“Hi Louis.” Harry begins. Louis doesn’t respond. “You look a lot better today.” Which is not a lie. Louis’ eyes look a tad bit brighter, but still held sadness. His face is shaven and his hair is hidden behind a grey beanie, but it makes him look relaxed and somewhat happy.

“I’m not really sure what to say. It seems like you’re not much of a talker, so can’t really have a conversation, well I could have one, but it’d only be one sided, which isn’t all that fun. I could tell you some stories from when I was younger or ones about my family or something that has happened within the past few days.” Harry shrugs as he tries to make a decision about what he wants to tell Louis.

“I saw a kitten the other day.” Harry grows excited at the memory he just pulled from the back of his mind. “I was just walking down the sidewalk when I heard this tiny meow. I couldn’t find it at first, walking in circles for what felt like an hour until this little orange and white kitten popped out from underneath a bush.” Harry giggles. “It was super soft and kept jumping at my fingers wanting to play. Of course I couldn’t deny the little thing, so I sat down and played with it.” Harry continues with his tale and his encounter with the kitten, informing Louis about how he named it Ron Fleasley, ‘ _cause it was orange and would totally be part of the Weasley family.’_ ”

Harry talks and talks and talks, rambling about everything and nothing at the same time. He tells Louis about his cat, Daisy, at his childhood home and how the cat would follow him around and would go on walks together.

Eventually, it’s time for Harry to leave. He makes a promise to say good-bye before leaving again. Louis doesn’t say anything like usual, just keeps his eyes forward to glare out of the window.

***

“I brought some food today.” Harry begins as he sits beside Louis. He rustles the bags to extract a homemade croissant. He gets one out of the bag for himself, leaving the rest in the bag to hand over to Louis. “Baking has always helped me feel better after a hard day, but one thing that is always better than baking is eating what was made. I hope you like them.” Harry places the still warm pastry in front of Louis.

Louis still doesn’t move or even acknowledge the gift he’s receiving. Refusing to get frustrated, Harry gets comfortable in his seat and takes out his own treat and starts eating.

“I work at a bakery, you know.” Harry begins around the food in his mouth. “It’s a really fun job. I get to help make fantastic treats and if one comes out not so great I get to eat it. Don’t tell Barbara, but sometimes I make the mistakes on purpose.” Harry smiles and chuckles. “Pretty sure she has caught on though, she just hasn’t stopped me.”

Harry takes the last bite of his food.

He looks over towards Louis who still hasn’t touched his treats. “Y’know, they taste a lot better when they’re still warm.” Harry reaches his arm out, a part of him silently praying that this works. “It’d be a shame for these to go cold. Since you’re not eating them, I’ll…”

Louis’ hand darts out to grab his gift before Harry. He brings it close to his body, holding it tightly so it can’t be taken away from him.

“You have been listening!” Louis doesn’t reply. His face reads of no emotions and his eyes don’t stray from the window in front of him. Harry’s smile is blinding. “I’ll take this as a win.” Harry looks at the clock. “I have to go, but I’ll make sure to bring something next time, yeah? Do you have any favorites that you might want? I can make pretty much anything, you just have to tell me and I’ll bring it next week.”

Silence.

“I’ll surprise you! Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, I’ll surprise you with what I’m making.” Harry gathers up his things in a rush and starts dashing towards his appointment location. “See you next week, Lou!”

Louis tightens his hold on his treats.

***

The fog of early morning disperses through the rays of the rising sun. Rise of sound as people start bustling around to get ready for their day.

Louis, who has never quite been a morning person, rapidly blinks his eyes open at the gentle knocking at his room’s door. He knows that his attending nurse for the day will come in even if he doesn’t respond. They always do. He has tried not responding before and keeping his head under his blankets, hoping that the nurses would leave him alone to rest.

They always wake him up.

Louis is aware that the staff have a small competition going on. They like to keep record of who is able to get him out of bed in the least amount of time. So far Lance is the one who is in the lead at ten minutes and twenty seconds. Lance has really been the only one to treat him like an actual person and not another chart they have to look over.

Lance went beyond the normal greetings and routines the other nurses fall into. He didn’t walk into the room with the goal of getting Louis into his wheelchair. The male nurse talked to Louis, tried to get the young man to open up. Louis still didn’t answer with sentences, mostly just single words or a head movement.

Louis appreciates the effort.

He wonders how long it’ll take him to get some motivation to get out of bed. He doesn’t really feel that great about the day ahead. He doesn’t see the nurse getting him out of this room before the thirty-minute mark.

Poor girl.

Louis does feel a tad bit bad about not getting out of bed, but can anyone really blame him? Once he leaves the security of his room, he has to go to counseling and they try to force him to talk about how he is feeling. He always answers the questions the same way: with a shrug of his shoulders. Louis thinks that the counselor should know how he’s feeling; why should he express it with words?

They had to switch him out of group therapy because of it. They felt that if he had one-on-one sessions with a therapist, he’d open up more. They were wrong.

After an unsuccessful therapy sessions, he is wheeled into another part of the facility where the physical therapist moves his dead weight into a lying position on a table and moves his legs, trying to gain back the strength that he knows will never return.

He never watches, his head always turned to the side.

A few tears always fall.

The only time he starts feeling something that is close to happiness is when he is finally able to sit in front of his favorite window. It gives him the only sense of normalcy.

The grass is still green. The sky is still blue. There are bunnies that still hop around and birds that fly. He can count on seeing the sun through the leaves of the tree.

He can’t escape his new reality, but sitting in front of the window doesn’t make him feel like he’ll be consumed by the looming black hole.

***

“Ready to work out today, Louis?” Elizabeth, his physical therapist, greets him when he’s wheeled into the room. She’s more on the younger side being in her early thirties. She has three children who range from three up to fifteen. Elizabeth fills the space when Louis refuses to talk. She talks about her husband forgetting to do the laundry, how the dogs only like to tear up people’s left socks and the cat always hording random things underneath the bed. Last week they found a pile of tissues formed into a nest.

Elizabeth talks about her children and the crazy antics they get up to. The kids never quite know when to be quiet and always making messes in the house. She always gets a dreamy expression and a fond smile on her face with every story she tells. She reminds him of his mother when she talks about her home life, especially her children.

Louis wishes he could like her more, actually become decent acquaintances, but she’s tied to this tragic part of his life. He resents her for how she can continue with a normal life, describe said life to him with a smile as if he hasn’t lost a huge part of his.

It’s different with Lance. Lance doesn’t mock him by forcing his legs to move, giving false hope that the movements will actually do something to his dead legs.

Louis shrugs his shoulders in response to Elizabeth’s question. She trades places with the nurse that had escorted him, thanking her as they part.

“Today, I’m going to try something new. I think it’d be good for you. I want to put you in the sling to get you to a standing position.”

She wants him to stand? He can’t do that.

“Louis,” She comes to stand in front of him. “the sling is just a support system. When we secure you in, I’ll do the same exercises that we have been working on. The sling, right now, is just a means to get better circulation through your legs during your exercises.” Louis makes eye contact with Elizabeth. “Are you ok with trying the sling?”

Louis eyes the contraption that he knows to be the sling. He has watched other patients use the contraption.

Does it really matter if he wants to do it or not? They’ll just make him do it at a later time. He might as well just get this part over with. He’ll watch this fail; the others will feel bad and leave him alone while he tries to come to terms with this exercise not working.

He knows that this won’t work, so is there anything to lose? It’ll get his doctors and nurses off of his back temporarily.

Louis nods his head.

Elizabeth’s smile is blinding. “Great! Let us get you hooked up.” After moving Louis and adjusting the straps to secure him, Louis, for the first time in weeks is finally standing again. “There we go. I’m going to start your exercises; you enjoy the view.”

Louis’ eyes scan the room from their new perspective. He can finally see over the heads of the other patients and staff. Within a brief second, Louis comes to the realization that he will never again be able to do this without help. He’s forever confined to a wheelchair.

Getting in this sling was a terrible idea. Even if he wants his attending nurses and doctors to give him more space, this is not how he wants to earn it.

He tries to hold in his sobs, but it becomes too much. The other patients turn their attention towards Louis as he cries. Elizabeth tries to console him as she and a few other nurses help him out of the sling and back into his wheelchair. She apologizes profusely, feeling horrible at the turn of events. She tells Louis that she should have known that it was too soon.

Louis is wheeled back into his room. His counselor is called to sit with him, the staff hoping that Louis will talk about the incident. He refuses. After a few hours, the counselor leaves. Nurses come and go in ten minute rotations.

***

“Hey, I brought…” Harry trails off upon entering the center and looking over at the spot Louis normally resides during his free time. Louis was not in his spot in front of the window.

Harry scans the area to look for the tufts of brown hair hidden under a beanie that Louis has been wearing for the last several weeks.

A nurse is passing by. Harry stops her. “Hi, Harry.” The nurse’s face brightens up, teeth showing in her smile.

“Do you know where Louis is? I have some stuff for him and he’s not out here.” Harry briefly lifts up the bag of treats he brought with him.

The nurse’s face falls. She reaches a hand out to bring Harry in closer. “He had a really rough day yesterday.”

“What happened?” Harry’s concerned. He’s been there, knows what it feels like when things don’t go the way that one plans them to, or the deliverance of news that doesn’t want to be heard.

“I can’t go into details, patient confidentiality and all that. It was just a bad day.”

“Can…can I visit him in his room?” He knows that this is a critical time. Louis should not be left alone if he received news that he was not expecting.

The nurse hesitates. “Since you’re not family I can’t just let you go into his room. I’ll go ask him if he’s up for a visitor if you’d like.”

“Please?” The nurse nods and tells Harry to wait where he is, that she’ll be back shortly. Harry remains still. He sways impatiently at the side of the hall. He really, really, _really_ hopes that Louis will allow him to come to his room.

Minutes pass before the nurse comes back with a sad expression. “Sorry, I don’t think he’s up for visitors.”

“Did you ask?”

“He wouldn’t answer; wouldn’t even look my way.”

Harry sighs. “Ok. Uh, c-can you make sure he gets these? I promised him that I would bring him stuff. I don’t want him to think that I broke that promise.” He hands over the bag of treats.

“I’ll make sure he gets them.”

“Thanks.” Harry turns away from the nurse and goes towards the area where his appointment takes place.

***

Knocking on Louis’ door has him straining his ears. He can hear the door creaking as it slowly opens.

“Harry wanted to make sure that you still got these.” Louis can hear the rustling of a bag being placed on the table close to the door. “I’ll leave them right here for when you’re ready for them.”

The door closes. The sound seeming louder than usual.

Louis pulls the blanket closer to his chin, making it an extra shield from his surroundings.

***

“Why?” Harry’s head snaps in the direction of Louis’ face. Did he really talk? It has been over a month since Harry has begun this whole thing and never once did Louis try to talk to him before.

Harry clears his throat. “What?” He can tell Louis is mulling it over in his head whether or not he wishes to speak again.

“Why do you come here and sit with me?” Harry assumes that his question is a good one. Any other person would have stopped by now after at least the second attempt of trying to have a conversation with Louis because of his refusal to talk.

“Haven’t seen you in here before and wanted to get to know you.”

“Those are your only reasons?” Louis now turns to face Harry. Deep pools of blue are solely focused on the curly haired lad. Harry can feel Louis trying to get the answers by looking at him, like all the mysteries of the world are hidden in plain sight on Harry’s face.

“My only reasons? I like to get to know new people and you were new. Logically it makes sense.”

Louis raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “So you saw me and just wanted to become friends?”

“Yup.” Harry giving stress to the last letter of the word.

“What if I didn’t want a friend?” Louis inquires.

“Pretty sad if you ask me. Guess you’ll just sit at this window for the rest of eternity.” Harry lets out a deep breath. His eyes scan over the land right outside of the window. Louis and Harry don’t try to fill the silence between them, neither knowing what to say to one another.

Their time together expires as Harry looks at the clock and stands without another word to Louis, not even bidding farewell as he saunters down the hallway towards his designated doctor.

Louis isn’t sure how he feels. Guilty? Happy? Nothing in this moment really makes sense. If what he had told Harry, he should be ecstatic that he was not being bothered and possibly pitied by the curly haired one. But he feels kind of bad at not accepting the other’s friendly gesture.

He lets his head fall backwards to dangle over the back of his chair in defeat. He might have destroyed his only chance of making a friend, an acquaintance at the least, because he’s afraid of people pitying him.

“It’ll take a lot more for him not to talk to you again. He’s pretty understanding. Don’t fret.” One of the nurses on duty comes up behind Louis after watching the interaction between the two.

“Yeah, well, he’ll eventually catch on that I’m not worth much. At least not now anyways, not like how I am now.”

The nurse grasps the handles of the wheelchair. She guides them down the hallway towards Louis’ room. “There have been many people who come through our doors in varying degrees of abilities. They all start with the same mindset that they’ll never be worth any friendships. By the time they are released from here their whole perspective have changed.”

Louis hears the unsaid statement. “What if I never get to that point? What if I continue to push people away?”

“Have faith. You’ll get there, we’re all rooting for you.”

“I think you have to say that to every patient.”

The nurse shrugs. “Maybe, but it doesn’t make it any less true. All of the nurses and doctors here are to make a difference and we majorly rejoice when each patient is released; it means that we have done our job to help that individual continue on with their life.”

“Even if they never learn how to walk again?”

“Especially if they never learn how to walk again. We at least gave them a new outlook on life and they’re able to strive and still go after whatever their hearts desire. The only limitation that people face is their mind and how they believe that they should live after a drastic change.”

Louis goes to open his mouth, but the nurse beats him to it. “And before you say anything, I have been working here for a while and I can, from witnessing it myself, confidently say that. You’ll get to that point where you’ll just find new ways to do activities you used to do. Don’t hold onto that doubt that you’ll never be able to do what you were able to do before the accident. There are always new methods to be discovered.”

Louis is still doubtful. How could he still continue his life like nothing happened when his body’s control has been almost completely taken from him?

They are right outside of Louis’ room. The nurse lets go of the handles to let Louis do as he pleases. “Don’t give up yet, Louis. You’ll get to a point where you’re going to feel like you’re unstoppable.”

“Like the car that paralyzed me?”

In lieu of replying to Louis’ question, the nurse parts with “You’ll do great things, Mr. Tomlinson. Don’t ever doubt that” over her shoulder.

***

Louis has gotten comfortable in front of the window that he calls his. All of the other residents have also caught on to this little fact and make sure that Louis is able to get into his spot. There had been one day that a new patient who had claimed the spot before Louis could. Louis had been upset, but not wanting to cause a scene, he traveled back to his room.

He probably would have been able to share the space with the newcomer, but he didn’t want it to be ruined. The window had come to be his quiet space, where he could look out into the world and get lost in his mind. He didn’t feel too keen on sharing that with anyone, well, besides Harry. Harry was the only exception.

The same Harry that was to come in today for his weekly visit. Louis should ask him sometime…if they ever speak to each other again. He doesn’t know what Harry does each week. Why does he come into the rehab building?

He’s not having good feelings for when the other one comes into the facility today. Louis hopes that he hasn’t completely ruined his chances at some form of friendship.

Louis tries to wait patiently to see the tufts of curly hair he has come to look forward to, even if he doesn’t want to admit it to Harry or anyone else. He thinks the other nurses have come to suspect his attachment he has to the other man. Harry has given him a sense of friendship, the very one he scolded Harry for, and a constant in his otherwise crazy life.

He hates himself for how quickly he has come to rely on Harry’s presence in his life. They don’t know each other; barely have had any meaningful conversations. Harry has become a constant in his life that he hasn’t asked for and not sure he really wants. Harry has said that he isn’t here to pity Louis, only coming around to be friendly towards him.

But is Harry telling the truth? Is he really coming around because he genuinely wants to know Louis, or is it a pity thing? Louis does not have the answers and he knows that if he questions Harry about it again, he’ll probably give the same answer.

Then again, Louis’ not sure if Harry will even seek him out.

Louis makes sure to keep an eye on the main doors.

Hours pass and people come and go without a sign of Harry. Louis sinks further into himself. He watches as the sun sinks further behind the horizon and the sky becomes littered with sparkling dots that are millions of miles away.

Louis wishes that he could float up to disappear amongst the stars.

Louis, however, has come to know that wishes aren’t real.

***

Days come and go. Louis is present in the physical sense, but his mind strays faraway. He thinks of what his life would be like without the accident and his diagnosis. He thinks about his family and whether or not they will truly accept him.

He knows that he does not have to worry about his family turning on him, it is an irrational fear, but he still wonders. What if, at one point, they finally get fed up with helping him? That they realize that he’s just too much hassle to handle and send him off to another facility like a nursing home?

Harry has already realized he’s not worth it. He hasn’t come back to the facility the past two weeks. Well, if he did, he didn’t seek Louis out.

Louis knows he messed up, that he didn’t have a reason to tell Harry what he had. He’s not sure what he was trying to accomplish, but he figures that he was successful.

Deep down he wishes that he wasn’t.

***

“Hey Helen.” Harry greets the nurse. Helen is part of staff who has been at the center for a few years now. She is in her sixties, grandmother of two and lives alone with her four cats. She always has great stories to tell about the antics her fur-babies get into. 

Helen looks up from her computer screen. She mumbles a quick hello is response before turning back to her screen.

Harry’s brow furrows in confusion. He tries to start a conversation. “Did you do something different with your hair?” Helen gives a short no. Harry tries again. “How are the cats? Were you able to fix the curtains?”

“Fine. I bought new ones.” She types things into the computerized chart.

Harry scratches at his stubble-covered chin. Not sure what to say next, he turns to scan his eyes over the room. “Where’s Louis?” He turns towards Helen, who is already looking at him.

Helen removes her black-rimmed glasses. “He’s in his room.”

Harry glances at the clock on the far side of the room. “At one in the afternoon?” Louis is normally sat by the window at this time. He would have had his appointments earlier in the morning, per his request, and would remain in front of the window for the rest of the day. “Is he ok?”

“Harry, you know we can’t give out that type of information about other patients.”

“You can’t tell me if he’s ok or not? That’s all I am asking.” He needs to know if Louis is ok. Harry can feel that Helen is keeping important information away from him about Louis. He needs to talk to him. “Can I go see him?”

Helen shakes her head. “He’s not seeing visitors right now.”

“Not taking... what is going on? What happened?”

Helen leans forward. She places her head on her clasped hands. “Harry, when was the last time you talked to Louis?”

“The day he told me he didn’t want a friend.” That was a few weeks ago. Harry hasn’t been back at the facility for the past three weeks. He had gone on a short vacation to visit some friends and family. “I haven’t been in the area for a few weeks.”

Helen releases a deep breath. “The last time that you two talked was when he told you that he didn’t have or want any friends.”

Harry’s eyes go wide. “He thinks-” Helen nods her head. Harry puts his head in his hands. “I need to make it up to him.”

“Mhmm.” Helen sits back down and focuses back on her files that are pulled up on the computer.

“Can I go back and see him?” He has to make it up to Louis. Louis needs to know that he’s sorry, that it wasn’t his doing for not coming in for a while. He and his family went to the bungalow a few hours away for their annual family get away. Harry didn’t even think of informing Louis, but realizes now that it was a really stupid thing to do.

“You know I can’t let you back there without his permission.”

“Can you ask him? I really need to apologize to him.”

“I’ll call his room. That’s all I can do.” She reaches for the nearest phone and starts dialing Louis’ room.

“Thank you.” He watches as Helen is on the phone. Her facial expressions not giving anything that is being said on the other side of the line away. She glances at Harry a few times during the short phone call.

Helen hangs up the phone. “Sorry. He’s not up for visitors today.”

“Can’t you let me go back? I need to see him.” Helen shakes her head no. “Helen.”

“Sorry Harry. You’re going to have to try another time.” She gets back to work and ignores Harry’s presence.

Harry’s defeated, the weight of the world coming down hard on his shoulders. He feels terrible about the whole situation. He can’t give up; he has to get back to Louis’ room somehow.

He gives Helen a thanks for her efforts and starts walking away. He needs to find a way back. He has an appointment so he doesn’t have long. He needs to start working on his plan.

Harry guesses he’ll figure it out as he goes along.

Getting through the double doors are not a problem. The doors connect the physical therapy wing and residential wing. Getting past the nurses in the hall will be the problem. They all know him and they all know that he has no business being in the residential wing and if he goes by Helen’s reaction, they all know that Harry is in deep trouble with Louis.

He needs to take the chance.

Harry starts down the residence hallway and prays that he’ll at least get to a point where he can jump into a room if someone were to cross his path.

He makes it to the end of the hallway. Before stepping into the open space, his eyes do a quick sweep of his surroundings. He needs as much time as possible to do a search of the place to find Louis’ room and if a faculty member is close by, he’ll have to think of some other way into the area without getting spotted.

No one is around. Harry steps into the open area and starts going from room to room. Some of the rooms he knocks on the doors before slowly opening and looking into the room. There are only a few rooms left.

“Hey, you’re not allowed to go into those rooms.” A nurse calls out to Harry. Harry looks over his shoulder and looks at the other person before moving faster to open and look into the rooms. The nurse is getting closer. Harry needs to find the right room.

The nurse is right there, ready to reach out a hand and grab him when Harry slips through a door and closes the door behind him. He’s not sure who’s room he has entered, but he needs this barrier between him and the worker.

“You need to come out!” Harry doesn’t answer.

Harry turns around instead. He figures that while he’s in the room, he might as well see if this is Louis’.

He can hear the toilet flush in the other portion of the room. He waits for the person to come out.

“Louis.” Louis freezes in the doorway. He has dark bags under his eyes and deep frown lines around his mouth. Guilt shoots through Harry.

Louis stares at Harry.

“I wanted to…”

Louis starts wheeling towards the door. He maneuvers around Harry strategically to run over one of Harry’s feet to get to the door to open it.

“Wait.” Harry starts. He takes a step closer towards Louis. “I wanted to apologize.” Louis moves closer to the door. His face expressionless. “No, wait. I swear, I just want to apologize. I didn’t mean to cause you stress. I had a thing to go to.” Louis starts to turn the knob.

“Don’t kick me out until you accept my apology. You have to know that I am truly sorry.” Louis’ eyes don’t blink. He turns the knob, opens the door and points with his other hand to signal that Harry is no longer welcomed in the room.

Harry hangs his head in defeat and starts towards the door. Before Harry leaves, he turns towards Louis one last time. “I’ll make this up to you. I promise.” He’s quickly grabbed by the nearest nurse and kicked out of the residency area of the facility.

Harry apologizes profusely.

***

Harry sits in front of the window that Louis normally does. He hopes that Louis will at least stop, but it is more likely for Louis to see him and just keep moving.

Hours pass and Louis doesn’t come. Other patients come up to talk to Harry, engaging in short conversations before leaving for whatever reason.

The sun starts sinking below the faraway hills.

A nurse puts their hand on Harry’s shoulder, startling him. “Sorry.” Harry starts shifting. “Time for you to go home, Harry.”

Harry releases a deep breath. “Yeah.” He goes to stand up. “Can you tell him that I was here?”

“Yeah, I’ll let him know.” The nurse didn’t have the heart to tell Harry that Louis had briefly stopped and watched Harry. He debated if he should go up and say something, but Louis thought better of it and wheeled by.

***

Louis screams into his pillow once he gets back into his room. He had slammed the door behind him upon entering and ripped the fluff filled pillow from its resting place and promptly pressed his face into the material.

Therapy is a joke. What his therapist is trying to get him to do is a joke. Louis doesn’t think she got the same memo. Making him use his upper body strength and supports to hold himself up on the bars will not make his legs work or even attempt to work. She calls it motivation and get him used to the feeling of standing again.

And his counselor is trying to damage him even more. She wants him to write a letter to the asshole who put him in this predicament. Louis has a few choice words that he would love to say to that low life. He could still kick his ass if he got the chance.

She feels that the letter will help him get rid of any repressed emotions and maybe help him come to better terms with what has taken place.

He scoffs. Louis’ sure that he hasn’t repressed any emotions, he’s been pretty clear with how he has been feeling about this whole situation. And they call themselves professionals.

In addition to all of the nonsense, there’s the whole issue with Harry. Harry, who left for weeks after Louis told him that he didn’t have friends. Then he comes back and wants to act as if nothing happened, only trying to fix things with a brief apology.

Louis wants to forgive Harry, he misses the company, but he’s not sure if he’s ready. Deep down, he knows that it’s not all of Harry’s fault, that he has played a role in the current situation. Louis had to go and be a miserable grump to the other man. He’s truly surprised that Harry didn’t abandon the friendship idea sooner.

He knows that he should apologize for his part in this misunderstanding, but that would mean he would have to admit that he was wrong, even if partially. If he does apologize, Harry may stay around a while longer. Louis doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle that type of rejection when Harry inevitably leaves, it is better to do it now when they still barely know each other and on Louis’ terms.

But the idea of just letting Harry go doesn’t settle well within Louis. Harry, aside from the current situation, has been nothing but kind and warm towards Louis, even when Louis has acted like a complete shit.

Louis sighs.

He’s going to have to apologize.

***

Something hits the chair that Harry is sitting in, jolting him from his inner thoughts. Harry abruptly turns around in his chair. “Louis.”

“I hate you.” Is what Louis starts with. He’s very mature, thank-you-very-much.

Harry’s not even bothered by Louis’ words. “I know. I deserve for you to hate me.”

“You owe me treats.” Yeah, he’s very mature.

Harry’s slightly taken back by the demand. Out of everything that has happened, this is the way that Louis will accept his apology. Done. He’ll bring all of the treats that are sold in the bakery and then some. He’ll learn how to make new things. Anything to get Louis to talk to him again.

“Will you believe me when I say that I am sorry?”

“Depends if you bring my favorite pastries.” Louis wheels around to position himself right beside Harry and looks at the television Harry was watching before Louis came by. The show displayed on the screen now becoming background noise as Harry’s focus is solely on Louis.

“What are your favorites?”

Louis pinches his bottom lip between his fingers in contemplation. He doesn’t answer Harry right away. “You’ll figure it out.”

“Figure it out? Do you know how many pastries there are?” Louis shrugs, not caring about the challenge he is giving Harry. If he’s truly sorry for hurting Louis, he’ll find Louis’ favorite treat.

“Ok.”

***

Harry waits with bated breath as Louis takes the first bite of the buttery croissant. Harry keeps his mouth closed, afraid to ruin whatever moment that he and Louis find themselves in.

“No.”

Harry’s face falls. “No?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, no.” Louis continues eating the croissant.

***

 “No.”

“What? You didn’t even try it yet.” Harry had brought in a donut covered in sugar. He figured Louis wanted more sweet than what the croissant had to offer.

“It’s a no for me.” Louis grabs the bag that the donut came in and wheels away from Harry.

Harry hits his head against the nearest wall.

***

Five weeks pass in the same manner. When Harry has his weekly appointment, he will bring Louis some sort of treat and Louis always answers with a no.

Harry’s getting frustrated. He has no idea what treat to bring in next, not even having a clue the direction of Louis’ tastes.

“You know he’s using you, right?”

Harry turns to the owner of the voice. The person is an older gentleman with a walker.

“He’s using you. I see him after you leave. He always eats the rest of the things that you bring him after you leave. He thinks he’s being sneaky, but I see it.” The gentleman points to his eye. “I see everything.” The man walks away, shouting at nurses about getting some apple juice.

***

Harry hands over the bag to Louis and takes a seat nearby. They’re one of the few people who are in the common area this afternoon.  Harry had asked where the others were, not used to not seeing a group of people in the room.

Louis didn’t give Harry a real answer, just a shrug and a “I don’t know. Don’t care.” He outstretched his arms in a manner to tell Harry he was ready for the treats that he had brought today.

_3…2…1…_

Louis looks up at Harry with a betrayed expression. “You didn’t make these.” He reaches a hand into the bag and throws the offending items onto the table in front of them. In the middle of the table were neatly wrapped store brand pastries that were no doubt filled with preservatives and most definitely not fresh.

“How can you tell?” Harry leans against the back of his chair, crosses his arms over his chest and waits.

“Wh- what do you mean by how can I tell? These are literally wrapped in plastic.” Louis pokes the packages. He has a scowl on his face.

“And? You said for me to find your favorite treat and you’ll forgive me. This,” Harry points to the food. “is me trying to find your favorite one.”

“Well, you failed. Again.” Louis flicks the offending packages.

“I’m literally doing what you asked of me. I don’t see how I haven’t brought your favorite thing in yet.”

“You haven’t. You’re terrible at this.”

“Or someone just wants me to keep bringing them in treats.” Louis glances up at Harry. “That you are using me.”

“Or you’re upset that you haven’t gotten it right yet.”

“ _Or_ I was informed that someone has seen you hoarding the treats and eat all of them when I leave.” Louis has been found out. Louis promptly throws one of the sweets at Harry’s head.

“If you heard that from Frank, he never knows what he is talking about. He’s always making stuff up.”

“Can you just say that you accept my apology?”

“No.” Louis gives a small smile, a rare sight after his accident. In this moment, when Harry gets to witness a lighter side of Louis, he is struck by the beauty of the man in front of him. How carefree Louis was before his world was flipped upside down and how brightly he lived his life.

Louis’ smile is like a gateway drug. Harry is craving more. He needs to know what his full smile looks like. He needs to know how the world sounds when Louis laughs. He needs to witness the stars reflecting in Louis’ eyes. He needs to know the real Louis.

Harry shares in the moment. He leans forward to rest his elbows on the table. “So, Louis, what _is_ your favorite pastry?”

Louis relaxes in his wheelchair. “A man must not reveal all of his secrets.”

“C’mon. I’ve spent the last however many weeks trying to figure it out.” Louis shrugs. He’s not bothered by Harry’s suffering. “And I spent hours making them. I slaved over a hot oven.”

“You literally work at a bakery.” Louis deadpans.

“I still had to work in extremely hot temperatures!” Harry throws his hands up and slouches in his seat. He crosses his arms over his chest. There is a small frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. “That has to earn me something.”

Louis ponders the thought for a moment.

“Hey!” Harry yelps as he feels one of the wrapped treats hit him in the head.

“That.” Louis starts. “Is what you earned.”

***

“What is the one thing that you absolutely miss?” Harry inquires one afternoon before he leaves for the week. He and Louis have ventured from their original spot in front of the window to the back porch of the center.

Louis was hesitant at first, not wanting to be exposed to the world outside so soon after his accident.

_“It’s been three months Lou. You can’t just stay inside for the rest of your life.”_

_Louis scoffs, folding his arms over each other. “Is that a challenge?” He challenges._

_“No.” Harry starts. “But I bet you can’t go outside for a whole minute.”_

_Louis ponders the statement. He squints his eyes in Harry’s direction. “What do you mean you bet I can’t go outside for a minute?”_

_Harry shrugs. “I mean, you don’t want to go outside at all, so that means that you can’t even go outside for a whole sixty seconds. It’s just logic,_ Lou _.”_

_“I can do as I damn well please, I don’t need you to do this whole psychology shit or whatever on me. I’m not falling for it.” Louis places his hands on his wheels to turn around, deeming the conversation over._

_He hears Harry begin to walk away without a word._

_“Where are you going?”_

_“_ I _am going outside. It is a nice day and I don’t want to waste it behind these walls. I’ll see you later, Lewis.”_

_“Now listen here,_ Harold, _” Louis furiously pivots his wheelchair around to coast right behind the retreating back of the curly haired lad. “Hey!” Louis continues to shout as he realizes that Harry is not slowing down and is still in pursuit of the sliding door that leads right outside onto the porch area. “Come back here!”_

_Louis comes to the dividing line between inside and outside. He halts his movements and looks on to where Harry has turned around and looking at him with an expectant gaze._

_Louis’ hands become sweaty. He’s not really sure why he’s so terrified to go outside. He knows that he’s not going to go far, not even going to come close to the road or anything of that matter. Deep down he knows he is safe._

_“I’m right here, Lou.”_

_Louis takes a deep breath to try and calm his racing heart and nerves before he turns his wheels forward._

_He’s finally outside._

“I think that’s pretty obvious there, Harry.” Louis misses a lot of things since this whole new adventure started. He misses being able to just get up and walk somewhere whenever he wanted. He misses his home and his family. He misses the freedom his new condition took away from him.

“No, like besides the obvious. There has to be that one thing that you miss while you’re away from home.” Harry looks at his skin while he picks at a scab on his upper arm. “Like, for example, when I am away from home, I miss my mum’s hugs. I know, cheesy, but she gives the best hugs.” He shrugs nonchalantly, not bothered the least bit about the information he shared with Louis. Harry turns to look at Louis, waiting for him to give his answer.

Louis takes a deep breath. “Fine. I miss my bed.” Harry scoffs. “What? You think this is a joke?”

Harry shakes his head, his curls bouncing along with the action. “Out of everything that is the one thing that you miss? There has to be something else that you miss more than your bed.”

Louis ponders the words that he is going to speak and how much he is willing to open himself up to this person he barely knows. Does he really want to share one of his cherished memories to Harry? Can he trust him? Is he thinking too much into this? Harry obviously is just trying to make conversation, but is Louis willing to let him in, even as a really close friend?

“I-” Louis swallows thickly. “Stars. I miss the stars.” Harry keeps his mouth shut, afraid to speak and break the fragile air between them. “At home, there’s this, like… we have a part of the yard that is surrounded by all of these wild flowers and really beautiful trees. When I got upset or just needed to get away, I would sneak out of the house and go to this spot, lay down and gaze up at the stars above me.

“The stars were beautiful, saw a few falling stars sometimes, too. I would always wish on every single one that I saw, wanting my family to be happy and for me to make it big so I could make sure that mum never had to worry about putting food on the table and keeping a roof over our heads. I guess you can see where that got me.”

“You still can get there.” Harry supplies.

Louis scoffs at the idea. “How? How could it still be possible for me to get to where I wanted to be? Those are just crazy dreams now.”

“Anything is possible if you want it bad enough, Lou.”

“If that’s what you want to believe. Nothing will change my situation and I have to accept that.”

“What if they were just saving up energy for a bigger wish that you would have?”

Louis looks to Harry dumbfounded. “You do talk some shit sometimes.”

Harry nonchalantly shrugs. “It’s possible.”

Humoring Harry, Louis continues the conversation in that direction. “If by chance that your theory is right, I hope the next time I wish on the stars they’ll listen.”

***

That night, hours after Harry has left and the curfew has passed, Louis gazes up at the midnight sky. The lights in the surrounding area too bright to see the specks of sparkling sky diamonds. Louis closes his eyes anyways, painting the picture of his special place at home and making a wish.

***

“Hey, Lou, I brought back some…” Harry is met with a room void of a Louis shaped body. He scans the room, knowing that the other lad did not have any appointments or scheduled meetings today. His brows draw up in confusion as he moves his eyes about the room. The carry-out from the restaurant is forgotten as he places the food on the bedside table.

Harry’s blood runs cold as he spots Louis’ wheelchair neatly tucked into the corner of the room. He takes a step closer when a sound has him turning around towards the bathroom. Taking a few steps towards the ajar door and slowly opening it the rest of the way.

Louis is laying on the floor, cladded in only grey sweatpants, back pressed against the tiles and a hand covering his face while the other grasped onto a sharp object. His breathing is shaky as he silently cries into his hand.

Harry figures that Louis’ position is something that has recently happened since the nurses hadn’t barged into the room yet. He likes to think that even if the nurses did walk in, they would leave him to tend to Louis. They would stay near just in case any immediate dangers arise, but would ultimately stay out of Harry’s way while trying to talk and reason with Louis.

Without saying a word Harry staggers to the floor, knees barely touching the other’s legs.

“I-I just wanted to do one thing.” Louis breaks the tense silence between the two men. “I t-thought I could…I can’t do this anymore.” He breaks off, another sob erupting from his mouth. The younger one of the two moves closer to Louis’ head, reaching out and grabbing the other’s form and hoisting Louis’ upper body into his lap. Harry’s shaking hand encloses Louis’ that holds the object. Harry makes sure he throws the item out of Louis’ reach. Louis stiffens at first, but eventually grabs onto Harry’s forearm, holding on tight as he fears Harry will leave.

Harry tightens his hold, a silent confirmation that he was not going anywhere.

The two sit silently, the bubble of silence growing.

Harry finally speaks.

“Right now, I know things are hard. Nothing makes sense and it feels like your world is caving in. But you’re still here. You’re here because you’re a fighter and you have so much more to give to this world. It’s hard, moving on with your life is hard, believe me, I know how hard it can get, but it’ll get better. You just can’t give up. Please don’t give up. _Please._ ”

They lay on the floor. Louis’ sniffling quieting as the seconds tick by, eventually wearing himself out enough to fall asleep against Harry’s chest. Harry cards his fingers through the older lad’s hair a few more times, making sure the other is asleep.

Harry is careful with his movements, extracting himself from under Louis, getting his balance and reaching down to pick Louis up in a bridal carry. He’s careful with how he moves the other, not wanting to wake him up.

He exits the bathroom, going towards the bed on the other side of the living space and gently places the snoozing Louis on the mattress.

“Hang in there, Lou.” Harry kisses Louis’ temple, turning away and leaving the room. He quietly shuts the door behind him; it clicking into place. He rests his head against the wood, closing his eyes and takes in a few deep breaths.

He wishes he could make Louis feel better, to get him out of the slump he has found himself in. He remembers being in Louis’ predicament all those years ago.

“Harry?” The person takes a step closer, hand reaching out to put a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turns to look at the nurse, the woman who he has grown close to throughout his own journey with losing his limb. “We watched what happened on the screen, but as soon as we were going to go to him, you walked in. We figured he was in good hands.”

“I-I don’t know what to do.” Harry sniffles, lower lip shaking as he tries to hold back tears. “H-he was doing so w-well.” The nurse, Edith, tugs Harry to her body, cradling the young man’s head. “W-what do I do?” Edith is silent, swaying back and forth to calm Harry down.

Minutes pass before Harry is able to pull himself together. “Edith?” He addresses the older woman, who nods as she waits for him to talk. “C-can I ask a favor?” His eyes sparkling at the idea, thinking this will help Louis feel better, remembering a conversation a few weeks ago.

***

“Lou,” Harry whispers, hidden in the moonlight. Louis grumbles in his sleep. “Lou.” The one-legged wonder shakes the older man. Still, the body remains asleep. Harry huffs in annoyance. He pushes with more force, effectively waking up the slumbering body.

“What the…Harry?”

“Get up, I want to show you something.”

Louis turns his face away from the curly-haired one, not wanting to face him after the incident a few hours before.

“Lou, please?” He doesn’t care that he’s begging.

Louis tries to ignore Harry’s pleas. Harry is shifting on his feet, waiting for Louis to give him a different answer.

“Lou, you can’t just never come out of this room.” Harry moves closer. “Fine.” Comes out firm. “You’re making me do this.” He pulls Louis’ covers off of him, earning an angered ‘hey’ from the older man. Once the covers are out of the way, Harry bends, sliding his arms under Louis’ body and picking him up.

Harry turns, gracefully placing Louis in his wheelchair. Louis crosses his arms over his chest, huffing out a breath. Harry begins wheeling Louis out of the room, the two in silence as Harry pushes Louis towards their destination. He stops at the bottom of the stairs.

Louis’ eyes scan the doorway in front of him, already having an idea where it leads. He shakes his head ‘no’. “The only way up are the stairs.”

“I can carry you.” Harry replies, looking down at Louis who is clutching at the wheels of the chair.

“There’s at least twenty stairs, Haz. I can’t let you carry me for that long.” Louis sighs, breaking his silence towards Harry. “It’s not possible for me to get up there.” Louis starts shifting, turning his wheelchair to face the way they just wondered from, anger starting to bubble up. Deep down, he knows Harry wanted to do something nice, but after what happened earlier in the day, Louis wasn’t up to being reminded of his limited mobility with each step Harry would carry his unresponsive body.

As he starts to make his way back down the hallway, a hand is clasped on his shoulder, prompting him to turn his gaze to the side to look at the other. “Lou, j-just trust me, yeah?”

“Haz, let it go. I can’t get up there and I’m not letting you carry me, it’ll just remind me of…” Louis doesn’t finish, the unspoken words understood by the other. Harry watches as Louis glides down the hallway, sadness creeping into his bones.

Harry jogs to catch up. “Lou, wait.” Louis doesn’t signal that he heard the other. “Lou.” He grasps the handles on the wheelchair, stopping Louis.

“Let me go.” Louis angrily whispers, trying to jerk the wheelchair out of Harry’s hands.

“No.” Harry snaps.

“Harry.” Louis bites back. “Enough. Let me go.” Harry tightens his fingers, tilting the wheelchair back so the front wheels are lifted off the ground, turning Louis around to go back towards the stairwell.

Louis slams down the breaks, coming to a jerking stop which propels his body forward slightly. Harry huffing out air as the wheelchair hits his stomach. “Lou!” Harry shouts through clenched teeth.

With Harry disoriented for second, Louis releases the breaks, taking control of the wheelchair, spinning around to head towards his room and past the curly-haired lad.

“Lou, I swear to God!” Harry stalks after the blue-eyed man, speeding up as Louis coasts down the darkened hallway. He finally catches up, stepping in front to stop Louis from going any farther.

“Harry.” Louis coldly states, eyes boring holes in Harry’s head.

“Why won’t you let me do this one thing?” Harry demands an answer. “Why won’t you let me carry you up those steps?”

Louis’ had a shit day already, he doesn’t need Harry doing this. He played along long enough, but now he’s tired, frustrated and just wants to go to bed, forget about this horrible day.

“Lou.” Harry bites out.

“What, Harry?!” Louis explodes, all of his emotions bubbling out. “What do you possibly want me to say? That I’m completely fine with being pushed and carried around? That’s the farthest thing from the truth!” Louis is seething.

“I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate how I have to rely on so many people now!” He’s shouting, he doesn’t seem to find any care. “If I want to go to the bathroom, I have to have someone help me. I need someone to put me in the fucking shower so I don’t fall to the fucking floor.”

Harry’s stunned to silence.

“So I’m sorry if I don’t feel like having you carry me up some fucking stairs! I’m tired of relying on people to do simple, every day shit!” Louis’ chest is heaving. “You at least get to prance around with two legs, you don’t have to be confined to a wheelchair! My life has been ruined because of some asshole. I will never be able to play professionally for my favorite team.”

“Lou…”

“No! This whole thing is bullshit!” Angry tears fill Louis’ eyes. “Everything is fucked up.” His voice trails off. “I wish I hadn’t survived that day.” It’s barely a whisper, Harry not even knowing if he heard correctly.

“How could you…?”

“Say something like that?” Louis chuckles darkly. “How could I not?” He spits. “My entire life I dreamed of playing professionally for my favorite team. I was going to make it and give back to my mother who has sacrificed so much for my siblings and I. Now, how can I give her what she deserves when I am stuck in a fucking wheelchair? I can’t play football with legs that don’t work. Everything is ruined because someone thought retrieving their phone instead of watching the road was more important.”

Harry’s eyes fill up with tears.

“So go ahead, ask me again how I could say something about how I wish that I didn’t survive that day. If I knew that this was how I was going to end up, I would have begged for them not to save me.”

“But, your family…”

“Would be better off without worrying about their useless son and brother.”

Louis’ last statement arouses anger inside of Harry.

“If you truly believe that your family would be better off without you, you’ve hit your head harder than the doctors thought when you first came in.” Louis sits, stunned at Harry’s outburst. “You act like you’re the only one who has been in this situation, like you can’t live the life that you wanted anymore…”

“I can’t…!”

“No. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. Yeah, things got fucked up and you’re paralyzed.” Louis looks like he’s been slapped. Harry powers through. “You’re paralyzed, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to live and go after your dreams. Things may not have gone as you planned them, but they still can happen.

“There are so many others out there that are paralyzed or missing a limb or more and are still able to do great things. Get it out of that thick skull of yours that you can’t do anything because your legs won’t work! You’re able, you just have to want it.” Harry abruptly turns around, his hands tugging on his hair. With little debate, he bends down to lift up his pant leg. Louis gasps.

“You’re not the only one who has to learn a new way of life.” Under the material that Harry is wearing, metal takes place of flesh. “Every single person in here is fighting a battle.” Not being able to be around Louis anymore, Harry stalks off down the hallway, towards the exit of the facility.

Louis wheels himself back into his room, slamming the door as much as possible without alerting anyone. He stares blankly at the darkened wall in front of him, refusing to move to turn on the lights.

In the morning, he is found still in his wheelchair, slumped to the side in a fitful sleep. The nurse transfers him to his bed, tucking him in and canceling Louis’ appointments for the day.

***

Louis’ life spiraled into the destruction of a black hole. Days after the fight with Harry, he spent his time in his room refusing to leave for his appointments, breakfast and free time. Nurses would come in on ten minute rotation to make sure he had not tried anything drastic.

Deep down he knows that he wouldn’t be able to get away with much even if they didn’t check up on him so often. He had taken stock of all of the hidden cameras in his room that would alert the staff to anything suspicious, like not eating. He had tried to flush the food down the toilet one afternoon, but as he was in the midst of doing so with the first tray, nurses barged into his room.

There were a few days where he refused to eat and drink, prompting the staff to insert an IV for hydration. There was talk about a feeding tube if he continued to not eat. With persuasion from the nurses and a phone call home, Louis agreed to eat something, even if it meant only taking one bite out of every plate of food they placed in front of him.

As the days passed, the nurses got more agitated from the lack of food he was eating. They had tried what they believed to be all of the ways to get Louis to eat. However, one particular hard day on his tending nurse, saw Louis pushed in front of said nurse to get a lecture.

Lilly was his favorite, always so kind and welcoming. On this day, however, one of the other patients pushed her to her limits, resulting in her exploding all of her bottled up emotions. Her route had taken her to Louis’ room after the incident, causing her to yell some more at Louis’ refusal to eat. Louis had felt horrible that he caused this super sweet nurse to become so irate. In the midst of her screaming at him, he slowly turned his wheelchair to where the food had been placed and started eating. He had done it quietly, finishing quickly and wheeling himself over to his bed afterwards to lay down and pull the covers over his head.

“I’m sorry, Louis.” The nurse had whispered as she sat on the edge of Louis’ bed. She ran her hand gently across the blanketed Louis. “You didn’t deserve the yelling. Things get crazy occasionally. Sometimes I forget that you’re a patient and not just a friend from all of the bickering we do together.” She gives one last pat to his head. “Thanks for eating your food. We want to keep you healthy, so don’t not eat, ok?”

Louis gives a miniscule nod.

***

A new nurse enters Louis’ room. She greets Louis with a kind smile and a brief introduction. Her name is Monica. She’s a petite thing with deep brown eyes and long brown hair. Louis slightly warms up to her.

“Ready to get some sunlight?” Louis shrugs his shoulders. He still really does not want to be seen by others. He knows that he does not have much of a choice. He knows that the other nurses who normally works with him sent in the new girl because he would not be rude to her.

He feels tricked.

He can hear her talking behind him as she wheels him down the all too familiar hallway. The pictures are the same as they were when he came to the place. He still despises them.

He’s pushed through the double doors that he goes through each day. He wasn’t paying much attention to what was in front of him, focusing on his normal spot by the window to make sure no one took his space.

“Lou.” Louis’ heart stops. He moves his head towards where the voice called out. “Hi.”

Louis had not known that he would react this way. Seeing his mother in the flesh for the first time in what feels like an eternity, he begins to silently cry. His tears spilling over to cascade down his cheeks.

“Mum.” He chokes out behind a sob.  All of his emotions he has been bottling up finally come spilling out.

“Oh, Lou.” Jay rushes forward to wrap Louis in a tight embrace. Louis is immediately taken back to his childhood when he is surrounded by his mother’s scent.

Home.

“Mum.” He holds onto Jay tighter. “I’m sorry.” He’s been a horrible son. He has not even picked the phone up once to call home to his family. He is out of the loop about what is happening in their lives just like they are with his life.

“For what, love? You have nothing to be sorry for.” Jay consoles Louis as only a mother can.

“No phone calls.”

“Shhh.” Jay shushes her oldest. “We understand. You need to focus on you. Don’t worry about us. We just want you to get better.” She hears Louis sniffle. “Boobear.” She pulls away from Louis and wipes away his fallen tears. “I say we need some ice cream; don’t you agree?”

***

“Where are the girls and Ernest?” Warmth that has left Louis’ body in the past few weeks gradually returns as he’s surrounded by his mother’s presence. This is the first time that she has been able to visit since he has arrived here, not able to find time between helping the other children with school, running errands and finally going back to work after her maternity leave with the twins.

Louis, as much as he hates to admit it, hasn’t been the best at keeping communications open between him and his family. Between all of the therapy sessions he has to attend and his exhaustion of dealing with everything, he forgets to call and deems it difficult to get back into the routine of calling his mother.

He always apologizes and Jay always states how she understands. He knows she doesn’t want to push him, add too much stress, but he can hear it in her voice how much she misses being close with him. He has been slowly closing people out, not wanting their pity.

But now with her sitting across from him at one of the main tables in the main room of the facility, Louis realizes how much he misses his mum and home in general.

“They wanted to come, but I didn’t want to overwhelm you. I’ll make sure to bring them next time.” Jay smiles and squeezes Louis’ hand. “Oh, that reminds me!” She quickly reaches for her purse, pulling out multiple sheets of folded papers. “The girls wanted me to give you these, said they wanted to make sure you had plenty of color in your room.”

The drawings are of bright flowers, hills, lakes and some that include figures to represent their large family. Louis mimics a smile for the first time in a week. It does not reach his eyes.

“Thanks, mum.” He places his hand over Jay’s.

“Welcome, love.” Her eyes crinkle at the corner. “Ok, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“I’m fine.” Louis tries to reassure his mother.

“Honey.” Her eyes turn sad. “You don’t have to hide what you’re thinking.”

Louis sighs and relaxes slightly in his wheelchair. “It just gets hard. I-I’m… everything is so messed up.”

“You might not believe it now, but it will get better. You have everyone back at home waiting for you to return and we’ve been fixing the house…”

Louis’ head snaps up. “Fixing the house?”

“Yeah, so you can get around…”

“No, you can’t _fix_ the house!”

“Lou, its fine, we’re just making sure that…”

“That what? That things are extra wide now so that I don’t get in the way? That I don’t accidently fall down the steps if I get too close or get one of these fucking wheels caught on that one piece of carpet that always sticks up?”

“Lou…”

“No! It’s not fair!” Tears start streaming down Louis’ face. “It’s not fair! _He_ gets to go about his life like nothing happens, while I have to learn a whole new way of life! It’s not fair, it’s not fair! Mum, its n-not f-fair!” Gasping sobs wrack his body. His mother extracts herself from her seat, going to her hurting son and wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

She tries to shush him, tries to get his breathing back under control. In the commotion, the other patients that were lounging about were escorted out of the room, not wanting all of the eyes on Louis.

“Lou…sweetie…” Jay tries to break through the loud buzzing in her son’s ears. “C’mon, listen to my voice.” Louis’ breath comes out in short gasps. He’s a mess and he doesn’t know how to calm himself down. His thoughts scream louder and his throat is starting to closer tighter, restricting his breathing even more.

Louis knew he wasn’t prone to having panic attacks, hell, no one is, but he thought he found ways to keep himself from falling this far into the grasp of panic. It has been years since his last major one, having a few minor panic attacks here and there throughout the years. The last major one that he remembers was when Lottie was five and fell into the river near where they were camping. She was looking for rocks that sparkled brightly in the sun, calling them her princess rocks. As she bent down to pick one up, her foot slipped and sent her into the fast paced water.

Louis had started shouting. He shouted for his sister and for anyone near to come help get her out of the muddy waters. Their parents and relatives had heard the commotion, came bolting to the area where they looked on in horror for a brief second before jumping into action.

Down the river some ways, a family member was able to hoist up a large and sturdy branch that Lottie grasped onto. Lottie, shaking from the cold and adrenaline that had consumed her body, was pulled from the waters and wrapped up tightly in the arms of loved ones.

While the family was working on saving Lottie, Louis had braced himself against the base of a tree, vision blurring and breathing labored. He doesn’t remember much after he was found by his father, but after that incident, panic attacks were almost a common thing, Louis having at least one every three months, but nothing compared to the first time…and now.

He’s still struggling. Nothing around him is making sense and his vision is starting to turn black around the edges.

Mumbled voices surround him before a prick in his arm.

***

“It took me six months for me to begin speaking again. Another month and a half to get out of bed by myself and a few more weeks before I decided to leave my house and sit in the back yard for some fresh air.” Harry begins as he makes himself comfortable on the grass beside where Louis parked his wheelchair.

Two days have passed since Louis’ panic attack. After he was placed back into his room to sleep off the sedative, he became a puppet, his body only being maneuvered by his doctors and the nurses that come in to help him throughout the day. He really wasn’t outside on his own accord, but rather he was threatened by one of his nurses that if he moved from the spot on the lawn before someone came and got him, he wouldn’t get his dessert with his meal. It was the one thing, other than sleep, that he looked forward to each day.

Louis curses the nurse’s orders. He has a feeling that this whole thing was planned. They threaten to take away his dessert if he as much as moves a millimeter from this spot and they send Harry out to talk to him. He has been cornered and he doesn’t like it.

They better be glad that they have one hell of a dessert for Louis to not just say fuck it and leave.

He tunes back in to what the man sitting beside him has to say.

“It’s still a struggle every day, but it’s gotten better. My parents don’t look at me with as much pity anymore and they stopped tip-toeing around me when certain conversations come up. It’s not perfect, but it’s my life and it’s still beautiful.”

The silence between them are filled with songs of the birds that have perched in the nearby trees.

“I’m sorry.” Louis stutters out eventually. Harry keeps his mouth closed and eyes staring straight ahead to not interrupt whatever the other has to say. “That night…that night it wasn’t fair of me to attack you like that. You were trying to do something nice and I got mad and yelled at you.”

“I…”

“No, please.” Louis hold up a hand. “Let me just…I need to get this out before you speak or I’m not going to say it, so please, just bear with me.” Harry nods, encouraging Louis to continue.

“I know that I haven’t been the easiest to deal with, took a few days for me to even say one word to you. You have been nothing but nice to me and I repay that kindness with bitterness. For that, I am sorry.”

Harry waits a few seconds before he decides to speak, not wanting to interrupt Louis. “I should have thought of something else to try and brighten up your spirits. It was rude of me to just assume that you would just allow me to pick you up and carry you. I know that I didn’t want people catering to me when I was first injured and it wasn’t fair of me to do that to you. Thanks for apologizing, but I should be the one apologizing to you. I am sorry for not taking your feelings into consideration before demanding you to let me carry you up those stairs.”

“I’m just tired of being moved around like a doll. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like I did though.” Louis admits.

Harry shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t blame you. I probably would have reacted the same way.” He remembers like it was yesterday when he finally got home after his accident. Every one of his family members were tip toeing around, afraid to touch him as if he would shatter if the slightest wind touched him.

Having his family treat him like a fragile being was, at least for him, what made the entire situation worse. He hated how his parents and sister would look at him. He hated how they would constantly be at his beck and call even if he hadn’t asked for anything. They were always asking him if he was comfortable enough, if he needed food or his medication brought to him, like he was incapable of using the crutches or wheelchair that the hospital provided for him.

One day he finally had enough of their coddling that he finally yelled at his family. They had all looked like they had been slapped. Their faces showing their heartbreak as they listened to their son’s inner feelings that he had been bottling up.

Things were rocky after that day, but they slowly started getting back into their daily routine. Harry was finally looked at like he was a real person again.

Quietness embraces the couple briefly as they sit in companionable peace.

“What’s the story behind yours?”

“Huh?”

“Your leg.” Louis nods to the metal limb. “What happened?”

Subconsciously Harry rubs his metal leg, mind going back to that day when his own life changed.

“Shark attack.”

Louis gasps. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. Thing was massive. Was out wading in the water when I felt something brush up against my shin. Next thing I know, I’m wrestling a shit ton of sharks. I tore off one of their fins and they took my leg.” Louis stares wide-eyed at Harry.

“You’re not serious?”

“Dead serious.” Louis is speechless. Harry has a hard time keeping his smile at bay any longer and starts to laugh.

“You fucker.”

“Pretty good, though, yeah? Had you going.” Louis rolls his eyes with a small disbelieving smile playing on his lips. Harry takes a deep breath to calm his chuckles. “It was complete error on my part, of me just being stupid. I was out on a hike to take photos, something that I like to do on my free time, and I ended up not paying attention to where I was going as I was lining up the shot. I fell, my leg got caught between some rocks and I was stuck there for over two days. By that time, there was so much damage to my leg that it wouldn’t have been worth it to try to even fix it.”

“I’m sorry.”

Harry shrugs. “It’s whatever. I’m like part robot now, which is pretty cool. It also makes for a great Halloween prank. A little of fake blood can go a long way.”

_Harry likes to refer to it as Friend Initiation. When he makes new friends along the way and they do not know about his magical leg, he likes to disclose the information in a huge way, make things fun. Well, for him at least._

_He had met Liam a few weeks ago and the two had become quick friends. Harry, even in the short amount of time he has known Liam, has found that pranking the other lad is one of his favorite things to do. Liam, who is a grown puppy, takes everything so serious and panics when something, even if he doesn’t know what, seems off._

_So, tonight when the puppy-eyed man comes over, Harry will begin the Friend Initiation._

_Promptly at seven in the evening, a knock echoes throughout the hall of the apartment. Harry smiles and places himself in position._

_“L-Liam!” Harry shouts in a strangled voice. “Help!”_

_Liam pushes open the door in a rush at Harry’s plea for help. “Harry, what…Harry!” Liam dashes over to where Harry is sprawled on the floor with fake blood soaking into his clothes and carpet. He prays that it comes out before his mother comes to visit in a few weeks._

_Harry internally smirks at how well this is going. “Liam…”_

_“Oh God, what…I just…” Liam’s hands are scrambling over Harry’s body looking for any more injuries._

_Liam starts to cry._

_Oh, this, this never happened. No one ever cried. They have always been in shock, but they never cried. He’s going down in the history of the worst friend ever._

_“Liam…”_

_“No, no, stay with me, you’re going to be fine. No good-byes, not yet…”_

_“Liam.”_

_“Harry, no. You’re not…”_

_Niall, Harry’s roommate, chooses that moment to enter the open space, stuffing his face with some sort of snack food that he probably just found under his bed. The blonde rolls his eyes at the scene in front of him, him also being on the receiving end of this special treatment when he and Harry had become friends._

_“Just know that I’m not getting that stain out of the carpet.”_

Harry had never seen Liam so quiet after the whole ordeal was over. He had sat with his eyes glossy and mumbling incoherently under his breath. Still, up until this day, Liam gazes at Harry’s metal leg with disgust.

“I probably would have chopped off your other leg.” Louis says nonchalantly. “Then would have used it to beat you.”

“Probably would have deserved it.”

“Darn right you would have deserved it. Pulling a trick like that to initiate me into your friend group. Probably would have grabbed your roommate’s snacks when he came out and sat down together to watch you suffer.”

“Niall probably would have let it happen, too. Irish bastard. You two are never meeting.”

“Aww, but he sounds like a great lad.”

“That’s the problem. You two would get on well and gang up on me. Not doing that to myself.”

“You’re not fun, Harold.”

***

Louis is sat in his counselor’s office. His hands are on his lap and his face turn towards the window.

Carol, his counselor, sits behind her dark oak desk. She has papers scattered about the top and her hand holding a pen as she waits patiently for Louis to answer her question.

She has asked Louis about his involvement with Harry. Louis doesn’t know how to respond. Him and Harry aren’t exactly friends, but they’re not, not friends either. They get along and he likes to have the other lad’s company.

“We talk.” Louis finally comes to answer.

“What do you two talk about?” Louis can hear the scratching of the pen against the paper. He finds it rather annoying in the otherwise quiet room. Writing on paper should never be that loud. “I heard that you two had a fight the other day. Want to tell me about that?”

“No.” He can feel the annoyance radiating from Carol. He knows her hatred for short answers that don’t actually answer the question that has been asked. She refrains from scolding him, knowing that it will only make Louis’ answers shorter or more outlandish, especially now that he has actually started talking and answering questions.

He feels like an arse. He’s finally feeling more like himself.

He can hear Carol taking off her thick framed glasses. He never understood how she could see anything without her glasses. He got a close up look at them once when she left the room to grab something really quick. Louis placed her in ‘blind as a bat’ category. Somehow, though, she’s still able to see without the glasses. He’s not sure how her sorcery works.

“Why don’t you want to talk about it?” Louis shrugs in lieu of an answer. Harry and him resolved the issue themselves. He doesn’t need to tell anyone else what happened. It is between him and Harry. “Can you at least tell me that you two fixed whatever happened?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to tell me what you two had to fix?”

“No.” Louis fiddles with his fingers. He’s hoping she’ll just give in and let him go.

Carol sighs. She runs her hand down her face. “Same time next week. You’re dismissed.”

***

Harry knew that as soon as he spotted Louis at the end of the hallway with a wicked grin plastered on his face, he was going to experience one hell of a day with the other lad. Ever since Harry had started making conversations with the older of the two, he had, not even once, spotted Louis with a wide grin like the one he had on earlier. At first, Harry wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not, but now, although the older lad is happy and cackling, he’s not sure it was such a good thing after all.

However, as much as Harry hates this thing that Louis is going to subject both of them to, he doesn’t dare say no, too afraid of ruining Louis extremely rare happy moods. So, like a good friend, he goes along with it and regrets all of his life decisions that have lead him to this very moment.

“…around the corner, pass Genkins…” Mr. Genkins, in room 256, was the residential hot head, always yelling at whoever seemed to pass his door. Louis’ first encounter with the old man was when he accidently ran into Genkins when he was still trying to learn how to control his wheelchair. The old man started yelling, face turning red as his voice became louder. Louis, being Louis, yelled back with nonsense. The screaming match lasted a total of two minutes before the nurses broke it up. Ever since that day, Louis made it his mission to rile Genkins up every chance he got.

Louis had a feeling that Genkins always looked forward to their time yelling at each other. He caught a small twinkle in Genkin’s eye one day during one of their fights.

“…first one to the cafeteria wins.” Louis concludes, looking at Harry to make sure the other got all of the information.

“Extra points to whoever gets a nurse to chase after them.” Harry and Louis nod in agreement for the rules and the path for their impromptu wheelchair race.

_“C’mon, Harry, this is our chance! Not too many people are in the halls right now.” It was a Wednesday afternoon and the halls were always, mostly, clear at this time. Not too many families visited this early in the day during the week and the nurses that were working, had places to be within the center._

_Harry was hesitant, never the one wanting to get in trouble, but the way Louis was looking at him, a smile taking home on the older boy’s face, a real genuine smile that hasn’t been there the past few weeks, how could Harry say no? It made Louis happy after all…_

“Go!” Harry shouts as he leaves a stunned Louis behind. He hears the cackling of the other lad behind him. The curly haired man makes a sharp turn around the corner, hands releasing and grasping the wheels quickly. His smile is blinding as he hears Louis catching up to him and soon the two are neck and neck.

The boys start reaching out with their one arm, pushing at the other to get a lead. They zip past the rooms and quickly approach room 256. Louis can hear the old man’s shouting as he and Harry get closer to the room, giving a nurse a hard time about God only knows what.

Passing the room, Louis is slightly ahead of the curly-haired lad, pumping his arms to propel him further faster. They come to the first bend in their course, with being on the inside, Harry cuts Louis off, making the older lad swivel, slightly running into Harry’s wheels.

Harry cackles over Louis’ shouts of protest, glancing over his shoulder for a brief second to look at Louis’ disgruntled face. His smile grows, splitting his face in half, dimples carving into his cheeks.

“Mr. Styles!” Harry slams into a passing nurse, items in her hands clattering to the floor. He hears Louis chuckling under his breath as he maneuvers around, heading towards the cafeteria. Harry glares at his friend’s retreating back.

After ten minutes of the nurse yelling at him, Harry is able to enter the cafeteria, forced out of the wheel chair by the nurse, grabbing his food and joining the older lad at their designated table.

Louis is smiling at Harry. “Don’t.” Harry interrupts before Louis can make a comment.

***

“Lou! Lou!” Harry shouts as he bursts his way through Louis’ bedroom door. He finds the figure on the bed curled up in his blankets, head hidden under the feathery pillows. “Lou!” Harry runs and jumps on top of the bed, bouncing in his attempt to awaken the older lad.

“Go away!”

“Lou! Guess what day it is?!” Harry exclaims in excitement as he bounces closer and closer to Louis, who is still hidden beneath the duvet and holding tightly onto the fabric to keep it in place, not wanting it to be pulled from his body.

“The day I finally snap and dispose of your body in the river?”

“You’d miss me.”

“Not in the slightest.”

“Not even the food I make?” Louis hesitates, mulling the idea around in his head. Harry cackles. “See, you’d miss it, therefore, you’d miss me!”

Louis huffs. “You had to learn it from someone, so I’d just call up Anne.”

Harry flops onto Louis’ blanketed body. “She’d be grieving at the loss of her only son, too upset to cook.”

“She’d adopt me. We both know that she likes me better.”

“You haven’t even talked to her!”

“Only because of your insecurities. You know that she’ll love me more. You’ll be tossed to the side due to my awesomeness of being her new son.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Whatever gets you to sleep at night, Lou. Now get up, we have a lot of stuff to do today.”

Louis removes the blanket from his face and raises an eyebrow in question. “What kind of stuff do we possibly have to do? I still have to go to my appointments, don’t want a repeat of Mildred coming in here and dragging my ass to one again.” Louis shudders at the thought.

Louis had refused to leave his room. He didn’t want to see or talk to anyone and didn’t even care if he got food in his system or not. He had stayed in bed all day and faced the wall, back towards the door so anyone who entered the room knew that he did not wished to be disturbed.

His attempts at keeping the nurses and doctors away were working, which surprised Louis. He thought that the staff would have forced him outside of his confines so as not to go into a deeper depression. As much as Louis was happy for the space, he also hated it. He wished that _someone_ would try to force him out of his room. He just wanted someone to show him that there was a person who at least cared a tad bit.

That person came in the form of Mildred. Supposedly, the staff were giving Louis a false sense of security. They waited an entire week before sending in the brute of a woman. Louis had been rudely awakened when his door slammed open and Mildred stood in the doorway.

She had stormed over to the bed without a word, forced the smelly sheets off of Louis’ form and threw him over her shoulder. If he could, he would have been kicking and screaming, but as it was, Louis was in shock and had no idea of a proper response to his current predicament.

The event has scarred Louis and never wants to experience it again. He makes sure to at least get to his appointments on time.

“I’ve talked to your doctors and nurses. They cancelled your appointments for today.”

Louis looks up in disbelief. “What?”

Harry chuckles. “C’mon, get up and get changed. We have to be on the road-” He looks at his watch. “Five minutes ago. Chop, chop, let’s go.”

“So no Mildred?” Louis’ still in shock at what Harry has informed him of.

“No! Now get ready or we’ll miss what I have planned.”

“Gosh, you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Louis carefully maneuvers his body to position it on the edge of the bed.

“At least I woke up.”

“I’m not dead, thank you very much.” Louis swings himself into his wheelchair, an action that is starting to get easier. The movements are starting to become second nature and he’s no longer confused about which way he needs to properly situate himself so he can have an easier transition to his chair. “You, on the other hand could very well be dead for waking me up this early…”

“It’s almost noon.”

Louis tsks. “A prince needs his beauty sleep, _Harold_.”

“I think you need a lot more than beauty sleep.”

Louis wheels past Harry, making sure to run over his feet as he passes. “You’re dead to me, Styles. Dead!” He closes the bathroom door behind him to get ready for whatever the curly haired freak has planned for the rest of the day.

***

“Where are we going?”

“I already told you five minutes ago that it’s a surprise.”

Louis groans. “Can’t you just give me a hint?”

“We’re going to a place.” Louis hits Harry in the arm. Harry chuckles and displays his dimples. “What was that for?”

“You know damn well what that was for. _We’re going to a place_ , he says. Could have guessed that meself.” Louis crosses his arms.

“You asked for a hint. I gave you one.”

“I meant a hint that I could work off of. Not something that doesn’t give me shit.”

“Does too. You know that we’re going to a place now.”

Louis hits Harry in the arm again. “You’re going to be going to a place here soon if you don’t give me an actual hint.” Harry glances at Louis from the corner of his eye. Louis raises his pointer finger at Harry. “Don’t play with my feelings, Styles.”

Harry chuckles. “Can’t you trust me? I promise that you will like what I have planned. If you don’t, I’ll take you out to eat to get you some real food.”

The last time Louis had “real” food, as he has come to call it, was when Harry had brought him in some of the pastries he created at the bakery. That was months ago. He needs real food.

“Before you even start thinking about it, you can’t say that you hated where I took you so you can get your food.”

“What if I truly hate it?”

“I can guarantee that you are not going to hate it. If you do, I will be extremely shocked.” Louis turns his head to look out the passenger side window. Knowing Harry, he knows that whatever is planned he will most likely enjoy the activity. He doesn’t want to give Harry the satisfaction of being right.

Louis sits without saying a word. His eyes taking in the passing scenery of trees, rolling hills and zooming cars. Music is turned to a low hum, but loud enough for Louis to make out the melodies dancing from the radio in the air around him.

The constant and soothing vibrations of the moving vehicle calms Louis’ nerves. He drifts into a peaceful sleep as Harry begins to hum the chorus of whatever song is playing.

***

Louis has been quiet, stuck inside since they had said their good-bye to the football team. He is still in shock over the experience that Harry allowed him to have.

When they pulled up to the stadium, Louis had been gently awakened by a grinning Harry. He rubbed at his eyes and finally took in the surroundings outside of the car. He thought Harry was playing some sick joke on him.

_“Lou, trust me. Ok?” Harry was starting to get worried that Louis would refuse to leave the car. He was standing on the other side of the passenger side door with Louis’ waiting wheelchair. “I promise that you will not regret this. Can you please come out?”_

_Louis has tears in his eyes. He knows Harry knows how touchy this topic is. He knows that there is a reason for Louis refusing to talk about it, aside from the day he told Harry about how he got into this mess that is now his life. There’s a reason and Harry completely threw that out the window._

_Harry takes a step closer to Louis. He stretches his arm out and grasps the headrest of the seat. “Lou, look at me.” Louis shakes his head no. Harry takes his other hand that was not resting on the seat to place on Louis’ cheek. His hand cups Louis’ face and forces the other to turn his head. His thumb rubs soothingly over Louis’ tear stained skin._

_“How could you?” He sounds so broken. Harry’s heart aches for the other man. “You knew how...” Louis doesn’t finish his sentence, too hurt to get the words out._

_“I promise this is so much more than you’re thinking.” Harry moves so he can get eye level with Louis who has his head downturned. “Do you trust me?”_

_“I…” Louis’ not sure. He thought he did, but now, with Harry bringing him here to a place that mocks him for his condition, he’s not sure._

_“Lou.” His voice is firmer now. “Do you trust me?”_

_Something in Harry’s voice gives Louis a sense of security again. It tells him that Harry has Louis’ best interests. Louis gives Harry a quiet yes._

“You ok, Lou?” Harry questions as the two near the van right outside of the stadium. Louis doesn’t make a noise that he has noticed the words that were spoken by the younger lad. “Lou?” Harry carefully reaches out to place his hand on Louis’ shoulder.

“Huh?”

“I asked if you were ok.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m, yeah. I’m ok.” Louis answers distantly. His mind is still inside that stadium with the practicing team. To watch those players zooming up and down the field on their personalized and customized wheelchairs, was amazing. Louis had been engulfed in the practice game that he did not even notice the wheelchairs, he was focused on the fast-paced game that was going on in front of him. The wheelchairs had become the player’s leg. The players still had all of the capabilities as a person playing without a wheelchair.

_“They’re amazing.” Louis grabs onto Harry’s upper arm in excitement as the team battles for the ball. The players are zooming up and down the field and the ball is hard to keep track of._

_“They are.” Harry removes his eyes from the team in front of him to watch Louis. Louis has his eyes glued to every movement that the players make and watches how the ball flies between teammates._

_Harry can’t describe how he feels that he’s able to give Louis this opportunity, to see that people who are in the same predicament that he is in, are able to do amazing things, that their disability does not stop them from things that they enjoy doing._

_“That could be you out there one day.” The grip that Louis has on Harry’s arm tightens at the statement._

The couple finally reaches the van. Harry helps Louis into the vehicle before sliding in.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“How does one talk after something like that?” Louis ponders out loud. He turns his head to stare out at the passing scenery once the van starts moving.

If Harry had not been paying attention, the whispered words out of Louis’ mouth would have been missed.

“Thank you.”

***

Louis sits across from his therapist, looking down at his hands. He has been sitting in the office for twenty minutes without speaking and for once Carol is not trying to force him to talk. He knows that she knows about the previous day’s adventure. There isn’t too much that goes on that the staff is not aware of.

With this experience, however, Louis wishes that others did not know about it. He feels like the staff wants him to talk about what he saw and felt yesterday being the in presence of people who were able to make a name for themselves even without some of their limbs.

The individuals on the team were not mourning the loss of movements in their limbs, instead, they adapted. They took what life gave them and made it into one of their many strengths.

At this moment, Louis can only imagine being that strong mentally and physically.

Louis is told that his time is up and that he is free to go. As he is leaving, he turns towards Carol to address her. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He’s not sure what he was going to say, but he knows that what he says will not express the gratitude that he has for her not forcing him to talk about his time with the team yesterday.

Carol nods her head. She understands.

***

“Can we try the sling?” Elizabeth looks to Louis when he states his request. “Again, please?”

Louis can tell that Elizabeth is hesitant, can tell that she doesn’t want to push him too hard and have a repeat of the last time they tried the sling.

“I would love for you to try it again, but are you sure?” Louis supposes that he’s really not sure if he’s actually ready, but something about watching the football players the other day, has sparked something inside of him.

He knows that he won’t be able to walk again. The talk between him and his doctors have also changed. There’s no longer the sense of false hope, that they are all on the same page now, admitting that there isn’t a chance of Louis ever walking again. Between the progress that he wasn’t showing regarding his control over his legs and some more tests being done, it was shown that there was more damage than originally thought and he would be confined to a wheelchair.

_“But there’s always a chance.”_

Louis can hear his mother telling him that after the last test came back. Sure, he supposes, there is always a chance to achieve the impossible, but right now, he doesn’t feel like he needs to accomplish that feat. He needs to work on the abilities that he has now instead of stressing over something that may be years down the road or something that will never happen.

Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprising after all, Louis is ok. For the first time, Louis doesn’t feel like his life is over. That the life that was given to him, hasn’t taken away his life, but instead, given him a new one that is uncharted.

He can’t believe that he’s thinking in this manner. He’s excited for new opportunities and adventures.

Louis smiles. “I’m very sure.”

He’s soon hooked into the sling.

“If at any time you feel overwhelmed, tell us and we’ll get you out of this right away. We’ll go for ice cream afterwards.” Elizabeth, as Louis can tell, is trying to calm her own nerves.

“Even if I don’t get down early, can we still get ice cream?”

She smiles. “Of course.”

He’s hoisted up. He’s at the height he was when he could stand on his own feet. A grin splits his face in half. He starts joyfully laughing.

“Lou, you’re standing!” Harry walks into the therapy room. He had heard the laughter when he left his own appointment and had to see what was going on. That’s when he came to see that the laughter belonged to none other than his Louis.

“I’m flying, Haz.” Louis has never felt so free in a while. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall backwards, closed eyes facing the ceiling.

“This is amazing!” Harry comes closer to where Louis is situated in the room.

“Haz, come here.” Louis finally opens his eyes and tilts his head down. He beckons Harry closer. “I’m taller than you.”

Harry comes to stand right in front of Louis. They are almost eyelevel, Harry being a tad bit taller. He smirks.

“Shh, don’t say anything. Don’t ruin the moment.” Louis can see a snarky comment forming in Harry’s mind. He reaches out to grab Harry to bring him in for a hug. He places his nose in the crook of Harry’s neck. Harry mimics the action. They both breathe in the other’s welcoming scent.

Louis takes one more deep breath in before moving his head from Harry’s shoulder. He looks at Harry and, without much thought, tilts his head up some to kiss Harry’s temple. “At least wanted to do that once.”

They move to rest their foreheads together.

A few minutes later, Louis is being lowered from the sling and placed back into his wheelchair. His grin never leaves his face. “That felt amazing.”

“You looked amazing up there.” Harry compliments. “We need to go celebrate.”

“Elizabeth already promised me ice cream.” Louis and Harry turn to look at the doctor.

“I’ll send word that you deserve an extra ice cream.”

“You’re not going to come with us?”

“Swamped with stuff here. You two go enjoy your treat.”

“If you say so.” Louis starts moving his chair to go towards the door. He and Harry throw their goodbyes over their shoulders.

***

“What made you do it?” Harry questions a little while later after they had finished their ice cream. They are currently on the back patio of the facility and watching the sky turn different colors in the sky as the sun starts to set over the horizon.

“Do what?”

“Get back into the sling?”

Louis slouches in his chair some more. He lets out a deep breath. “I guess it was seeing those football players in action. You could clearly see that they went through a lot, physically and mentally, but they were still there, still able to play a game that they enjoyed. They didn’t let something, like losing a limb, stop them from doing something they loved.

Obviously, I have things that I can relate to. I don’t want to pass up more opportunities because I feel bad for myself. The thought of what you said to me that one night when we were fighting also helped me. Figured it was finally time to get out of the darkness that I allowed to consume me for a while.”

Harry reaches out a hand and gestures for Louis to put his hand in Harry’s. Harry lightly grasps onto Louis’ hand, his thumb gently rubbing over Louis’ skin.

“Thank you.” Louis hopes that Harry can hear the weight behind the words, that he’s not thanking him for one thing, but for multiple things.

He feels Harry squeeze his hand in response.

They stay out on the patio until the sun is almost completely hidden and the moon shines brightly in the sky. Once they are done outside, Harry walks beside Louis until the man reaches his temporary room.

They part ways with a goodnight to each other and the promise of seeing each other later.

Louis sleeps soundly.

***

Stars started to decorate the darkening sky when Harry and Louis emerge from behind the facility’s walls. Harry had to do some convincing before Louis agreed to be pushed by Harry.

_“I want to show you something.” Harry had started when he walked into the room._

_Louis looked up from the book he was reading while lying in bed. He closes it to turn his attention to Harry. He sees that Harry is hesitating with the next part of what he has to say. “Why do I feel like I’m not going to like what you have to say?”_

_“Cause you’re probably not going to like it.” Harry comes to sit on the edge of the bed._

_Louis sighs. He opens his book back up and starts bringing it up to his face to start reading again._

_Harry’s fingers curl over the top edge of the book and gently guides the book so that Louis can look at Harry’s face._

_“I have an idea about what this is about. It’s a no from me.”_

_“I know last time went really shitty, but can you let me do this? If at any time you feel uncomfortable, I’ll bring you back here and leave.”_

_“You don’t have to leave, but you promise that I have say if we continue further, at any point?”_

_“Complete control. I’m merely helping you to get to the destination. You’re the one who decides how this all happens.”_

When the couple meets the nightly summer wind, Louis takes in a deep breath and closes his eyes to let the surrounding landscape completely surround him.

Faint smells of a bonfire mixed with smell of the farm land a few miles down the road. He can hear peeps of nature’s night life.

His wheels hit the bumpy turf of green grass as Harry pushes him to a destination unknown to him.

Louis can feel the wheelchair coming to a stop and can hear Harry walk around to stand in front of him. Louis opens his eyes.

Harry is bathed in the moonlight. His features somehow sharper than in the daylight. His green eyes shine just as bright as the billions of stars overhead.

“Do you trust me?” These are the first words that have been spoken since they have started their short journey this evening. Somehow, it felt wrong trying to speak before this moment, almost as if whatever they were sharing between them was too fragile for words.

“Always.”

Harry moves in closer, bending down to wrap his arms gently around Louis. “Is this ok?” He doesn’t want to overstep.

Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s neck. “Yeah.” Harry picks Louis up in a bridal carry and walks a short distance to lay Louis on top of a fluffy blanket he placed down earlier before retrieving Louis.

Harry joins Louis on the blanket.

Louis, while looking up at the stars, thinks about how his life has come to this very moment. He has come a long way from the person he was at the beginning of this journey. He still has his moments where he hates the world and hates the person who has done this to him, but he’s getting better.

The staff have been amazing support during the entire ordeal. They have looked out for him. They make sure that he’s never quite alone in his darkest thoughts.

Then, there’s Harry. Harry waltzed into his life when he felt like he was suffocating. Harry hadn’t given up even when Louis got mad at life and at him. This beautiful being wasn’t afraid of treating Louis like a real person, the first to do so outside of staff.

“Haz?” Harry hums in acknowledgement. Louis hesitates, not sure if he’s actually ready to say what has been on his mind. He feels Harry link their pinkies together. “Why me?” Harry doesn’t answer right away. Louis starts to panic and fills the silence between them. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m reading this thing right, right? That there’s something a little more than a friendship?”

Harry tightens his pinky’s hold around Louis’ pinky. This man lying beside him has become one of the best constants in Harry’s life. The moment when he first laid eyes on the blue eyed man, Harry had no idea how important Louis would become. He figured they would become decent acquaintances at most and go their own ways once Louis is released from the facility.

Harry didn’t expect to crave Louis’ rare smile. He didn’t expect to want to make Louis laugh for the rest of eternity. He definitely did not expect to fall completely head over heels for this beautiful being lying beside him.

Harry wants to know the Louis outside of these walls. He wants to see Louis with his family. He wants to see what Louis looks like when he thinks no one else is watching. He wants to know the sound of Louis’ early morning voice; the way the sun lights up his skin in the early hours of the day. He wants to know the way he prepares his breakfast and how he sounds when he sings in the shower.

He wants to see the way snowflakes melt against Louis’ eye lashes. He wants to see Louis’ cheeks painted pink from the coldness of the air.

Harry moves his hand to engulf Louis’ smaller one. If Harry focuses close enough, he believes he can feel their heartbeats intertwining.

He could say something. Tell Louis how he never planned this, that he never thought about their relationship progressing to this point. He could tell Louis that it was his strength and the light behind Louis’ eyes shining even when he was consumed by the lingering darkness.

Harry could express what has drawn him towards Louis in a million words and it still wouldn’t be enough. Nothing in this world is enough to give to this beautiful being lying beside him.

Harry thinks Louis understands the silence when he moves his hand to intertwine their fingers and squeezes tightly.

***

The rehab facility is starting to wake up. Nurses and attending doctors bustling about to do their morning runs. Each person passed in the hallway is greeted with a good morning before both parties pass each other to get to their intended destination.

Each room is checked to make sure that there is not an immediate need of supplies or care. The nurses enter and exit each room after tending to each patient.

“Good morning, Mr. Tomlinson…” The nurse, Jackie, starts to greet but is met with an empty bedroom. She checks all of the spaces in the unit before exiting and dashing to the main nurse desk on the floor. “Lilly, Tomlinson is missing.” Lilly, unfazed by the statement, continues on with her morning paperwork. “Lilly! Tomlinson is missing!”

Lilly finally looks up at Jackie. “Follow me.” Lilly maneuvers around the desks and patients to lead Jackie outside to where Harry had set up for the night the day before. The two nurses come up to the two who are still sound asleep and wrapped up in each other’s arms.

“Look.” Lilly points to the two on the ground. Jackie takes a step closer to see what Lilly was pointing at.

A few feet in front of them, covered in blankets, are the forms of a sleeping Louis and Harry. It is easy to see that they are tangled closely together and in peaceful slumber.

“They shouldn’t be here.” Jackie moves to wake up the couple. Lilly stops her.

“Harry asked yesterday and I gave him the ok.”

“Are they ok to continue to sleep out there?”

“They made it all night. We’ll send someone out every so often to check up on them to make sure that they’re still doing fine.” Both nurses take one more glance at the couple.

“Think they’ll last?”

Lilly’s eyes sparkle. “Yeah. I think they’ll last quite a while.”

A few hours pass before Louis starts to wake up. His eyes slowly flutter open. Louis squints his eyes to shield them from the warm rays of the sun and moves to tuck his head into Harry’s side. He’s warm from sleep and Louis basks in the feeling of Harry’s body heat. The blankets don’t have anything on Harry’s warmth.

“What are you doing?” Harry’s voice, still laced with sleep, breaks the morning silence that has fallen on them.

“You’re warm.”

“We have blankets.”

“The sun is in my eyes.”

“And I’m the only thing that can be used to block the sun from your eyes.”

“Obviously.” Louis wiggles around some more. “Now stay still so the sun doesn’t get to my delicate eyes.” He tries burrowing further under Harry until the younger lad turns to his side. He wraps his arms around Louis to pull him in close and promptly covers their heads with the thick blanket.

Harry’s eyes are closed as he moves his head closer to Louis’. Their foreheads are touching and they’re breathing in the same air.

“Better?”

Louis slaps his hand over Harry’s mouth. “You need to brush your teeth.” Harry licks Louis’ hand, which has Louis retracting his hand quickly. “That’s disgusting! I have your morning germs now!” He wipes his hand on Harry’s face.

Harry, the five-year-old that he is, sticks his tongue out as Louis has his hand on Harry’s face.

“How old are you?” Louis moves his hand to the blankets and tries to dry his hand on the material. Louis, feigning being angry, rolls over to his side to face away from Harry.

Harry doesn’t waste a second inching closer and plastering himself to Louis’ back like a baby monkey latching onto its mother.

Louis tries to shake him off. “Excuse you, you’re in my personal space.”

Harry moves his hand over Louis’ face. “Shh. Sleep now.”

Louis contemplates licking Harry’s hand. Maybe some other time. “We don’t even know what time it is. We need to go in to get some breakfast.”

“Shh.” Harry lets out a small snore.

“I swear. You’re lucky that you’re cute.” Louis lets the comforting feeling engulf him and falls back to sleep without problem.

***

“C’mon, time to get up.” Harry pulls the blankets from under Louis.

“Now he’s ready to get up. Asshole.” Louis grumbles. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hands, yawns and stretches to get ready for the journey back to the facility. He watches as Harry neatly folds up the blankets and packs everything away.

“You remember when you told me about the stars and wishes?” Louis says it out of nowhere, startling Harry, who was solely focused on the task at hand.

“What?”

“The stars and wishes and listening?” Harry nods. “I think they finally listened.”

***

They have to be joking. This cannot be real life right now. He did not hear them say those words. None of this is real.

“You…”

The doctor leans on his elbows and connects his hands together. “You can go home.”

He’s not ready to go home. He still has so much to learn from this place.

“I know that this can be very daunting. We will have nurses from the hospital closest to your home come and visit you to make sure you’re still progressing like you should. You’ll also still go to therapy a few times a week to keep up with your strengthening. Just because you leave here, does not mean that our work is done. We’ll still be with you on this journey.”

He can’t go home. Nothing will be the same. The house is going to be different with all of the changes made to make things easier for him to move about the house. His family will act like he’s some fragile being. The people in the neighborhood all know about the accident. They’ll for sure watch him with saddened and pitying eyes.

It feels like the rug is being pulled from underneath him again. He’s not getting a say in his life. They force him to come to this place and now they’re telling him that he needs to leave and go back home.

And what about Harry? Where does this leave them when he goes home? He’s not ready to say goodbye. This beautiful person inside and out has become such a wonderful addition to Louis’ life. Harry has been more than a person of support throughout this ordeal. He helps Louis find the beauty in things when Louis sees darkness. Louis knows that Harry isn’t the fixture that makes everything better, but Louis is reminded to live when Harry is by his side.

Their friendship, now entering into a relationship, is something that Louis cherishes and does not want to ever take it for granted. Harry may have been Louis’ constant at the beginning, but he’s so much more now.

And Louis doesn’t want to let that go.

The doctor rambles on about the home treatment plan as Louis has his internal freak out. He’s not sure how long he stays in the office as the doctor talks, he just knows that it is longer than he wants to be in there.

Louis is finally released from the office and mindlessly wheels himself back to his room. He slams the door shut behind him and stares blankly at the wall in the semi darkened room.

Later in the afternoon, Louis and Harry find themselves tangled in Louis’ bed underneath the sheets. Louis had his head resting over Harry’s beating heart. They haven’t been lying down for long. It had taken a little while to get Louis calmed down once Harry had entered his room.

Harry had entered the room and saw Louis staring blankly at the wall. He walked over and crouched down to get eye level with the other man.

“Lou?”

Louis looks right at Harry, but the curly haired lad doesn’t think Louis is actually looking at him, rather, through him.

“I’m going home.” Louis finally focuses his eyes on Harry’s face. “They’re releasing me.” Months ago, Louis would have been ecstatic at being told this type of news. He would have wanted to get home as soon as possible and barricade himself into his room until the depression destroyed him or he got to a point where he was just getting by in his day to day life.

He doesn’t know how he is going to survive in the real world again. In this place, he’s able to separate himself from the harsh outside world. He’s safe here. He doesn’t have to worry about getting hurt any more than he already is. He doesn’t have to worry about the pitying looks from people who pass him in the grocery store.

His family has gotten better, but he also doesn’t live with them. He hasn’t lived with them since the accident. Louis’ doctors and nurses tell him that he’ll be fine, but will he? Will he be able to continue on healing with the factors of the world outside of these safe walls?

Harry hadn’t tried to talk sense into Louis. He didn’t try to comfort him with words. He knew what this was like. He knew that no matter how many times he told Louis it was going to be ok, Louis would not believe him. His job, now, was to make sure that Louis is comfortable and knows, that no matter what happens beyond these walls, that he’ll always have a support system.

Harry had carried Louis to the bed. They both slid under the blankets and immediately wrapped themselves up in each other. Louis has remained quiet, listening closely to every story Harry tells him.

Most of the stories that Harry tells are fond memories. They’re filled with midnight adventures to the kitchen with his sister and how, undoubtedly, his mother would already be there waiting for them with a shared favorite snack. The stories are summers spent together on vacation and laughter filling the air as Harry trips over his own feet for the thousandth time.

They’re stories of a toothless smile, hair in curlers, high heels on his feet and messy makeup because Harry wanted to be like his “favoritest person in the world”.

Louis doesn’t laugh, but he smiles as Harry talks about his childhood, closing his eyes and immersing himself into tales that he wishes that he was a part of.

He wishes that he could have witnessed a chubby cheeked Harry running around and innocently discovering the environment that he was born into. His wonder at experiencing everything for the first time. The expression of pure happiness at seeing a fluttering butterfly in the springtime and mouth open in amazement at seeing fireworks mark the darkened sky in celebration.

“Harry?” Louis wraps his fingers in Harry’s shirt. He knows that he has Harry’s attention. “I…” Louis can’t bring himself to finish the sentence. He wishes the words would tumble out without problems, that it would be easy to say the words on the tip of his tongue.

The words don’t come out.

Harry kisses the top of Louis’ head. “Me too.”

When Louis started this journey that he was forced into, he was terrified of the future and unknown. He didn’t think he’d have gotten this far in his recovery, let alone being ok with what has happened to him. Harry has truly been a lifesaver during this hardship. Louis is forever grateful for this kind human being that has not given up on him.

He’s not sure what is going to happen once he is freed from this place, but he has an inkling that whatever the ending of this chapter will be, it’ll be the right one.

The two lay in silence, enjoying the warmth of the other person. After a while, Louis starts getting restless.

“Haz?” Louis gets a grunt in response. He kind of figured that it wouldn’t have taken Harry long to fall asleep, the man can snooze anywhere. “Wanna annoy Genkins?”

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in the works for some time now and I finally have decided to finish and upload. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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